Birth story coming at some point, but right now, where my head's at, is how f*g hard this is.
How everyone and their DOG warns you it's the toughest job ever, but how nobody can ever REALLY prepare you for it.
How no matter how much you convince yourself BEFORE the baby is born that "if THEY could do it, so can I", you're still going to have moments AFTER the baby is born where you wonder how the fuck ANYONE gets through it. [Particularly people on their own. Because while I am going to feel sorry for myself a little here, *I* at least have me a husband who has bought groceries, switches off shifts with me, does most of the diapers, AND cooks. I'm probably spoiled...]
But the thing nobody prepares you for is the fact that after being up for almost 24 hours in THE most agonizing pain you'll ever endure, you'll then have to switch immediately to being priority #2. Because the baby is priority #1. And fine, maybe you'll all say that was obvious to YOU, cuz even I THOUGHT it was obvious beforehand, but I didn't really put together that being priority #2 would mean I wouldn't really get to recover AT ALL before heading right into sleep deprivation.
The thing nobody prepares you for is the fact that when they say "newborns sleep 16 hours a day", they don't mean STRAIGHT, or in any sort of way, shape, or form that's at all USEFUL for a mental break (or for recovery from the above). Maybe SOME people's newborns sleep for 4 hours at a time, or 2 hours at a time, but so far, 72 hours in, OUR newborn does not. Or at least not without being held by one of us. (Well, except right now... more on that later...). And yes, we ARE switching off on sleeping so we're both getting a little, but the demand to ALWAYS be holding him (or hearing something that sounds like a donkey screaming) - well it's HARD.
The thing nobody prepares you for is if somewhere between 48 hours in and 72 hours in, your newborn decides he just won't sleep - AT ALL. Instead he'll cry. For about 12 hours straight. Even if you rock, swing, walk, drive, put white noise on, hold, feed, swaddle, or do ALL of those things at the SAME TIME. He'll cry. And scream. And it will resemble something like a donkey being neutered. And it will go on and on and on and on and on... until you call the nurse's line cuz this just CAN'T be normal. Please don't let it be normal. A phase? Okay. We'll get through. Normal though? For weeks or months? I can't even consider it.
The thing nobody prepares you for is how just knowing someone is coming to help, can make you have a little breakdown in itself. Just the NOTION that someone who KNOWS stuff is going to come, and help, and check - it's like a little party. A weepy party. But a party anyway. And I know, it's not like I don't have a MILLION offers of help from friends and family, but there's something to having a nurse come that's different. The nurse is what I need right now. She's proven it already.
Because the other thing nobody prepares you for is how when the nurse tells you on the phone, that pre-visit you should take a bath with your newborn [to try to get him to poo, which he hasn't in 2 days], and within FIVE minutes of getting in that bath with your newborn, he releases the HOUNDS of poo ALL throughout your tub - well nobody prepares you for how f*g EXCITED you'll be that your kid just crapped all over you. Or how scooping it out with your hands won't even phase you. Or how f*g happy you'll be that hope has returned. Even when you know it might be short-lived. Cuz right or wrong, maybe, just MAYBE, that last 12 hours was just about the poo. And it doesn't really MATTER if it was or wasn't about the poo, cuz right now, not only has your kid pooed, but somehow he's also taking a nap. Alone. Without being held.
Friday, 27 November, 2009
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40 comments:
Bravo for getting it all down and out (of your system). It really is true, how you can't ever really wrap your mind around what everyone tells you until it's happening to you. As a mother to a 2.5 year old boy who can't wait for this phase of limit testing to be over, I vividly recall those early weeks. The sleep deprivation coupled with the crash of hormones, couple with the not knowing what to do or how to do it, is agonizing.
But, the other thing that everyone always tells you is also true...it will get better, day by day, week by week, month by month. You will find yourself and your rhythm. It will be OK.
Get your sleep when you can, grab a shower and brush your teeth, and EAT. Consult the Internets when you feel the need to and get a couple of books (Baby 411, Happiest Baby on the Block, both saved my sanity). GOOD LUCK and CONGRATULATIONS MOM!
Didn't get a chance to comment on the birth announcement post. Congrats!!! Awesome job, mama!
Okay, but now you're scaring me. I'm almost there. And although I will have some help, she is really just my job. No hubby to take a shift. Oh, crap! 38 weeks Monday. Guess there's no backing out now. ;-)
LOL! You finally made it! Congrats! Try to relax and enjoy, while the rest of us watch from the bleachers, cheering you on!
well, it's only fitting that your son would have poo issues...
M
Aaahh, yes. Your first 72 hours sounded like mine with Lemy. Apparently, there are most babies who sleep those 16 hours and then there are a few who don't sleep at all. That was Lemy. And it's so freaking hard because most people get the sleeping baby, so they think you're crazy or exaggerating. I totally understand where you are. I have no assvice to offer but to hang in there and keep up the good work. The first 6 months for us were ROUGH, but once we found a rhythm it got better and once she started sleeping for more than 4 hours at a stretch (8 mons) it got a lot better.
Thinking of you and praying this was just a poo issue and nothing more. ((hugs))
Oh my, you're telling my current story word for word! Sleep deprivation, donkey wailing for hours on end (and hoping it's not normal)--I feel ya!! My kid is 10 days old and this, by far, is the hardest thing I have ever done, but yes, when he pooped all over me the other day, it did not phase me and was actually sort of delightful and funny. Hang in there while I try to do the same!
I truly love how your stories always turn out to be about poo.
Started out with tears of sorrow...(and fear), and ended with tears of laughter at the mere thought of scooping happy poo out of a full bathtub. Ahhhh...what dreams are made of.
Hang in there.
I'm ready to cry for you right now. I remember the agony of the bone deep exhaustion that nothing can prepare you for. The emotions that you can't fathom topped with the screaming and and exhaustion...
Good for you for getting it out. And, yes...just knowing someone that KNOWS is on their way (or is there) is weepy wonderfulness.
It. Does. Get. Better! I promise!
LOL, Welcome to Mommy hood. I relate to every word and it brings tears of joy because nobody prepares you for the love you have for the little eating, pooping, crying machine.
Yeah that sounds about right. Good thing you got that new tub!
You know you're going to be tired with a newborn, but nothing prepares you for HOW that actually FEELS, because why would anyone ever put themselves through that kind of torture? Glad you're getting some help and I hope that makes the transition somewhat easier. You'll get through it and you're going to do great - I promise.
"he releases the HOUNDS of poo ALL throughout your tub"
Holy baptism by shi!tstorm, Batman!"
You are right on all counts, especially that poor castrated donkey.
I remember that feeling with my first and with the twins.
As others have said before, it is true...it will get better. Hang in there as you get your bearings.
Take every opportunity to nap and ask for and accept help from people who offer.
That you are this clever and coherent 72 hours later is amazing. Keep writing. Seriously, write as much as you can. Because in a few months all of this will be a weird kind of blur and going back and reading about the early days will make you feel like ALL CAPS awesome that you made it through. And Thank goodness the gates of poo were released and that a nap happened.
SO SO SO happy for you. Shit & all!
It was so not fun, after having a c-section, to get no recovery time form major surgery because, oh yeah, I have a newborn.
The was a reason my son slept on my chest for 6 weeks, and it was because I was exhausted, I needed sleep, and it just happened.
Newborn phase= hardest time ever.
It does get better, I swear.
I think I remember Lori having a similar pooping all over mommy in the bathtub story...
All roads lead to poo...keep that in mind and you'll be just fine.
It's tough, but you're tougher.
Congratulations.
As everyone has said, it does get better. Really, it does. And even when it feels like that day will never come, one day you'll wake up (from sleeping!) and realize, "hey, it is better!"
If it makes you feel any better, sometimes babies sleep great for the first few weeks lulling the parents into a false sense of security and comfort thinking they know what their doing. Then the honeymoon period ends, the reflux or colic or whatever it is starts, and all hell breaks loose.
So glad to hear the little guy pooped for you. Amazing how much of your life becomes about poo. Hang in there!
omg, i thought OUR baby was the only one who screamed like a donkey! (that is the best metaphor ever, btw.) our baby is now 3 months old, and while she does still do the donkey screaming thing sometimes, things are so much better. really. hang in there! the first days and weeks really are the hardest--by far. but they will go by so fast! i remember a distinct turning point at about 2 1/2 weeks--and then again around 2 1/2 months--when things suddenly seemed a lot more clear and a whole lot easier. "easier" is a relative term... i wouldn't say "easy", but so much easier! and when you're used to the grueling, crazy-hard sleep-deprived chaos of the first days and weeks, it feels wonderful. you will make it! hang on! (oh, and i hate when everyone told me to sleep when the baby sleeps. that's a load of crap. cuz sometimes babies sleep for 2 hours, but sometimes they sleep for 10 minutes--so it's like you have to try to sleep while you know there's a ticking time bomb about to go off in the next room. a donkey-screaming time bomb.)
Something I never thought I'd say: yay for baby poo in the tub!
i got nothing but fear right now because we are going to have 2 babes instead of 1....
A good friend told me that the baby I had in the hospital wouldn't be the baby I took home with my. Dear God, was she ever right. Our "OMG-I-am-so-angry-my-head-is-going-to-explode" cry is sort of billy goat-ish. And LOUD.
Give yourself a little more credit - I can't believe you're posting! I think at 72 hours my only post was, "Baby here, doing fine."
It is definitely a learning curve. But for all the screaming, (not) pooping and uncertainty, it is amazing how precious they are when they DO sleep.
Congrats, Chicklet. You are an amazing mother.
It does get better... I promise. I can't tell you how many pics we have from those first weeks with C sleeping on top of us while we were passed out on the couch. I actually miss her sleeping like that now that she is little miss independent, but I do remember the exhaustion so I sympathize. My only offer of sanity (and I know everyone and their mother offers advice a this stage) is an exercise ball. 8 months later, on her bad days, C will still fall asleep from a screaming cry while we bounce away on our ball. Oh, and it is great exercise to. :)
Congratulations!!!
I can hardly wait . . .
There are so many parental truths in there. You never think it can be THAT hard (it is and it gets easier but slowly and then its hard in other ways), you get no chance to recover after labour, the sleep deprivation is insane and all parental conversations turn to poo at some point.
You are doing the only thing you can do - just get through it, somehow, hopefully intact. No two days will ever be the same but it goes by at a startling pace.
Big loves and welcome to the Motherhood.
You are doing hard, hard work right now. The hardest, maybe. And someone recently told me that day 3 postpartum is like taking 300 birth control pills, hormonally. So remember to be very gentle with yourself. And do as little as possible except take care of your boy and yourself. Everything else can wait.
Glad I'm not the only poo obsessed one in western Canada just at the moment...
6 words - The Happiest Baby on the Block.
(Congrats!)
I adore your honesty! And is it wrong that I was cracking up, laughing out loud with you (certainly not AT you, because mine's just 7 months old and I have so been there, sista, still there in some ways). Woke my hubby up laughing, but luckily not the baby, though. He's snoring away... Proof that it does get better, but until it does, you will be a hormonal, exhausted mess. There's a reason they are made so cute, or no one would ever do this more than once.
As for the poo issues - at least you can be certain he's yours. How fitting! You're exactly where you should be right now, sounds entirely normal to me. Congrats and keep going - you're doing great!!!
No advice (hey, I'm clueless... until soon), just sympathy. I hope things get easier as everyone suggests.
You're doing great for 72hrs, even if you don't feel like it. & totally love using that nurse & enjoy the good moments every chance you get.
B slept on our chest/in our arms for the first 4 mths. I had a csection & was beyond sore && hormonal so if that was the only way I was able to sleep (in the recliner) then I was fine with it.
B now sleep in the bed, for at least 4-6hrs straight, wakes to eat, then sleeps more. He's almost 6 mths. I'm still tired but it's better. The first 3 mths were the worst for me b/c my hormones were so all-over the place. I cried when he even peed on himself!
Thank God for great hubbies, huh?
Oh, & even after we tried it ALL to get B to quit crying...the thing that worked? The sound of the exhaust fan in the kitchen. Fo' real.
Lots of love to you.
YAY FOR POO!!!
Katherine still has constipation issues. Every poo is a happy poo at our house!
(not exactly sure when my life transitioned to this...)
Thinking of you! This is hard.
I love this post and I think it's a must-read for everyone :-) Those first days home, we kept describing it as the babysitting job from hell where you just found out the parents are never returning home to relieve you. I promise, the later on is really good and worth getting through those first months. Even within the first months, the moments get you through and you cry when you need to cry.
CHicklet,
The only thing that got my sorry ass through the early days, especially once the chronic, painful sleep deprivation set in was knowing that is DOES get better.
Because, to be brutally honest, I can confess many moments in the early months where I wondered why the feck I tried so hard to have kids at all.
I always found help meant I had to shower, and dress and entertain, which made me more tired.
You're doing great.
xx
g
Yay for poo!!!!! :-) I'm hoping that's all the crying was about so now he'll sleep peacefully (so you can too).
Oh does that post bring back memories. After being up for 48 hours straight between labor and then Jillian's delivery, I think I got a total of 10 hours sleep in one week's time. And like yours, my newborn never had anything resembling a "honeymoon" period, cried constantly and would not sleep without being held. I slept in the recliner in the living room for a couple weeks until I was finally able to get her to sleep in her swing which is where she slept for the next 4-5 months.
Hang in there. It does get better.
Chicklet. CHICKLET!! You had your chick .... congratulations. Wow. Didn't you just get your BFP, like, yesterday?
Now, as for the crying newborn fiasco ..... it's a wonder Rocco is still alive. I had to go on long walks - without him. Make dinner with my iPod on. His crying was a fucking nightmare.
Hope the crying in your house is short. Thinking of you XOXOXOX
Ha - I sensed an update like this might be coming soon. :-) Good to know what's ahead on the horizon for us soon-to-be mommies.
Oh ma, reading this is like a flashback.
Congrats Chicklet! I'm sure it gets easier--but that must be very hard to remember in the beginning. This post DID scare the bejeesus out of me, but made me laugh at the same time!
Your little family is going to be just fine--it's just a huge donkey transition right now.
I so agree. We are on day 7 here, and I am beyond exhausted. Sleep deprivation combined with hormones does not mix
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