As of Monday, I have five - count em, FIVE - days of work left... for the next year. FIVE. Like one, two, three, four, FIVE.
And while I guess I kinda GET that this beer gut I'm sportin' ain't REALLY a beer gut, and I kinda GET that this new acid reflux thing I have going on is the RESULT of that beer gut getting so big, and I kinda GET that that insane DRAGGING along my ribs is NOT beer, and instead is a HEAD that actually FEELS like a head when I push on it to make it stop... well it all just doesn't seem very real that THIS is where I'm at. Me. Chicklet. Five days left of work. Six weeks left of the beer gut.
I mean, I GET that it IS all real, but it just doesn't SEEM real.
Yea, there's a whole lot to say about the kid part of this that doesn't seem real - like I might actually get to have a REAL LIVE BABY out of all this!!! - but there's also this whole weirdness around not working. For a year. A year without my job, without my routine, without these people who actually mean a whole LOT to me.
It doesn't seem real that I'm going to leave the only real family I've known for the last 8 years. And I don't mean that like my FAMILY'S not my family, I just mean that like when you spend 40+ hours a week somewhere, well if you're lucky, those people you SPEND those 40+ hours a week with, well they BECOME your family.
Yes, there were a few shitty years there where I had an ASS of a boss who made me want to quit EVERY SINGLE MINUTE OF EVERY SINGLE DAY. And yes, there are people there who I really don't give a flying f*** about, but there's also a whole lot of them who I feel quite SPOILED to have worked with for so long. Who make me laugh, who bust their asses and do AMAZING work, and who I really BELIEVE they mean it when they say they don't know what they'll do without me. Cuz I feel the same about them. Cuz these people are what have KEPT me there. These people are my FAMILY.
And instead of checking in on them to see how I can help, or going by their desks to see how they're hanging in there, or sending them MSN's and emails to nag the SHIT out of them for the things they will undoubtedly do but have FORGOTTEN to do, I'll just be without them. For a year.
Yea, I'll go in and see them once in awhile, but I KNOW how that goes. I've SEEN how that goes. I'll become that girl who USED to work there, who they all USED to love, but who they've just sorta SHELVED their love for temporarily cuz she's gone and not coming back for so long that there's no point getting all invested until she's REALLY back.
And it'll all just be very very VERY weird.
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
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14 comments:
Wow! I can't believe how the time has flown, Bloorb! You are soon to be a mom. It is hard to wrap your mind around, I'm sure!
Mo
Canada and the 1 year of maternity leave - that's so wonderful I worked up until the last minute (worked on Friday, had baby on next Tuesday, Monday was a holiday), and went back part time 8 weeks later.
It will be different to not be at work, but don't we all fantasize about having that time off?
I totally feel this post! I was all set to come back after 10 weeks- worked until the day I went into the hospital. But layoffs hit & I 'got' to stay home with her for 6-1/2 months. I go back in 2 weeks. It ~is~ really strange. I do miss everyone like family & I know there's going to be a big time adjustment period going back since I am not really new- but still not quite one of them again.
Even with all that- the first 3 months flies & the next 3 go pretty darn quick too! Congrats on your upcoming bundle!
I'm excited for you - partly because I can't relate to having a job I care about so much, so I absolutely love being home, and I can't help projecting that all onto you - but mainly cause this means Tiny B is coming soon!
One of the things about being at home that I am struggling with now is trying to balance being really busy (giant to do list) and just allowing space for me to process the massive change that is coming in a few short weeks. I'm trying to limit the "useful" things I do every day so I don't just completely fill up the time with chores. It's great to be productive, but this is also an incredibly special time to enjoy just being myself and doing things I love before it all changes FOREVER.
Hope the weirdness of this time away from work passes quickly and you can enjoy your last few weeks as Chicklet, pure and simple. And if you need someone to nag and IM during the day, you have me!
Ditto on what annacyclopedia said, that is my life.
And, I know this isn't the point of your post, but what a CIVILIZED country you live in that you can start your maternity leave 6 weeks before your due date. Here in the dungeons of hell it is 40 hours a week until the day I go into labor (and my employer is considered VERY family-friendly because I get a full SIX WEEKS after birth). And I gotta say, trying to work 40 hours a week and also being 8 months pregnant (and working on that giant todo list) is a near-impossible task.
I hear you on the weirdness though!
Wooohooo! I think you'll surprise yourself about the time off work thing. I can't imagine having to go back to work right now. I'm creating my own routine and Little Miss is way more fun than any work colleague (the friends I see as friends so don't miss them!)
Now does this mean I might get to see you sometime in the next 6 weeks? xoxo
I'm sure it must be weird, but you would be surprised how fast a year goes especially once the baby is here--you'll blink and it will be over. That is awesome that you get to take a year and while I know that it will be strange, in about 8 weeks you'll barely be thinking about it! :)
Wowsers, I can't believe you are so far along. I'm so excited that you are so close to being able to hold your baby.
It does seem really weird to anticipate such a change in your schedule, lifestyle, etc.
I bet that before you know it, you will find your perfect balance...because that's the way you are. Don't you take change head-on and are organized and enthusiastic about it? Isn't that why you are so good at your job?
I can't imagine that you won't use those same skills as you move into this wonderful baby and family space.
I'm excited for you! Enjoy your time.
Transitions are always hard, but I have a feeling this one's going to be a great one for you, just as soon as the baby comes. I can't wait to what how you like motherhood! It's a crazy ride!
I cannot wait to be done with work. Mostly because I hate my job!
I can't imagine being gone a whole year. Although maybe it's not all that different than the 6 months I was out? For me, it was actually weird going back, rather than weird being gone. Now that I'm back into the swing of things, it feels like I was never gone, except that I came back refreshed and energized (once I got used to leaving those babies at daycare every day).
I know it seems like an eternity, but I bet that year will just fly by! Any chance you'll do any traveling in that year and maybe bring the little one to come visit your bloggy friends in Colorado?
Yeah! What Denise said!
I am so envious that you have a job/work family you love so much.
It wasn't like that for me when I became a mom.
Exciting AND scary, for sure!
Enjoy your last few days...
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