Did You Hear the One About the Reno?

Did you hear the one about the crazy pregnant lady who agreed to renovate BOTH her bathrooms at 30 weeks pregnant, thinking OF COURSE they should do it before the kid arrives, because OF COURSE it's now or never, and OF COURSE doing both at once was better than spacing them one at a time?

Did you hear about the fact that she was a Project Manager and really SHOULD have known better than to start the job so late? When she was nowhere NEAR done doing and buying everything she's supposed to? When she knew that it meant DELAYING all those things she needed to do AND buy, cuz all the bathroom stuff would HAVE to be stored in the room that in 10 weeks was INTENDED to be the kid's room?

Did you hear how in the first few days the plumber was called off to an "emergency flood" delaying him 2 days coming by? And how when he DID finally come by, he just randomly decided to WALK OFF THE JOB (without telling anyone!) cuz it was too much work? Even though he'd already been there earlier to ASSESS that VERY job, so should've known EXACTLY how much work it was?

Did you hear how in the meantime, while the contractors busied themselves with OTHER work to keep things moving, they discovered a leak coming from two units above? So the strata corporation's plumbing company had to send out their OWN plumbers? And wanted the crazy pregnant lady to WAIT on moving forward with HER plumbing?

Did you hear how a few days later when the new plumber came in to save the day, he promised he'd be back the next day for a half day, AND the day after for a full day, yet didn't even show up til halfway THROUGH that supposed full day (2 days later) until there were many MANY angry phone calls demanding he come cuz her job was at a STANDSTILL?

Did you hear how even after he came, and the crazy pregnant lady offered him COMPLIMENTARY beers to stick around late to FINISH the job, it turned out he didn't even bother levelling the tub? So all the water would've ended up in the BATHROOM, instead of in the tub, if her contractors hadn't been paying attention and CAUGHT the problem? So that same plumber had to come back AGAIN, and do PROPERLY what he CLAIMED he had done in the first place?

Did you hear how a few days later when the contractors were JUST ABOUT to start tiling, they discovered that that very same plumber had plumbed things in the WRONG order? Meaning when switching between spouts and handhelds and rainheads, the water would go in a COMPLETELY f*d up order, leaving the no-longer-pregnant lady (ie. new mother), probably drenched with almost EVERY SINGLE bath she ever tried to give her child?

Did you hear how the contractors then had to rip out the drywall where he had plumbed - the NEW drywall they had JUST put in and SEALED - to FIX the PLUMBNG he'd f*d up?

Did you hear how a few days later, when things FINALLY seemed to be settling down... when the worst FINALLY seemed to be behind them all... when the floor tiles, the shower surround, AND the vanity were finally in the main bathroom... when they were JUST about to start ripping out the rest of the ensuite in tandem with finishing the main bathroom... the woman in the suite directly above the crazy pregnant lady somehow FORGOT she left her sink running with laundry in it? Thus PLUGGING UP and OVERFLOWING her sink so badly that water came down through the crazy pregnant lady's ensuite ceiling fan, main bathroom walls, and ALL OVER her new drywall, paint, and floor tiles?

Did you hear how the crazy pregnant lady didn't BELIEVE her contractors when they called to tell her? Did you hear how she just sat there, stunned, SERIOUSLY asking, "You're joking, right?", cuz this HAD to be a gag to get her to go home and see that they were magically ALL DONE right?

Did you hear how the crazy pregnant lady's husband didn't believe HER when she told him either? How when he was rushing home like a mad-man to see what his crazy pregnant wife was CLAIMING was going on, he kept thinking it had to be a joke, cuz yes, she really WAS that mean, and she really WOULD find this funny!

Did you hear how NONE of it was a joke? And there actually HAD been a flood?

Did you hear how thankfully it was caught in time, so there wasn't any actual DAMAGE to anything, but the crazy pregnant lady in all her smartness, actually caused herself MORE problems? The good kind though... Because in ALL her smartness, she thought notifying the strata was the smart thing to do? Because in ALL her smartness, she thought there was potential that only LATER damage might show itself (in the form of mold, and thus walls/tiles needing to be ripped out later), so it was better to notify people, have it documented, and ensure it'd be THEIR cost (not hers) if that WERE to happen? Only, in all her smartness, she discovered that apparently the strata had the EXACT same concern, so INSISTED on a restoration company coming out to assess the damage? And when that restoration company came out, they determined that yea, things really WERE quite wet, and industrial fans and humidifiers had to be set up for THREE TO FOUR DAYS to dry everything out safely and quickly? And those fans and humidifiers had to be put DIRECTLY in the way of the contractors' next steps?

Did you hear how she's not even MENTIONING the "fun" with the tub spout (that had to be re-ordered THREE times because somebody sent the wrong one in), or the vanity (that looked hideous, so 3wks into the job, the crazy pregnant lady and her husband are spending their evenings at bathroom stores again)?

Did you hear how the timing of all of this meant the crazy pregnant lady couldn't even drink away her sorrows? How while she actually found this all quite amusing in that way you do when there's no other FREAKIN choice, what she really wished - what she REALLY REALLY wished for - was that at the VERY LEAST, she could tell this story over a glass, a bottle, or even TEN bottles of wine?