In the last week or so, I've had many MANY comments about how small I am for 24 weeks*. And while I know, it should probably be flattering in some way, shape, or form (particularly to this girl who wants to maintain her exercise), but honestly, it's NOT. And while I'm as surprised as the next person that this ISN'T flattering to me after how f*g hard I've worked, the part I'm not surprised about is WHY it's not flattering. It's not because they're commenting on how small *I* am, it's because they're commenting on how small my BELLY is, AND almost all of them are following that up to ask if everything's 'alright with the baby'.
Well fuck people, seriously? THAT'S how you approach it?
Because first, if there WAS something wrong with Tiny B, wouldn't you feel like a total ASSHOLE for making me cry at work (and then later at home) over something that's really NONE of your business? And probably something I REALLY wouldn't want to talk about AT WORK? And second, even though there ISN'T anything wrong with Tiny B (to my knowledge), why on earth would you ASK me that? Why would you put it THAT way? And why would you DO that to me?
And what I mean by that is fine, compared to ALL your friends who are due at the same time as me, MY belly is tiny. And fine, compared to the girl who is due only 3 days before me, MY belly is tiny. But why oh why oh WHY would you put it in my head that maybe something IS wrong with Tiny B? Why oh why oh WHY would you make ME start comparing myself? Make ME start worrying? And make ME be extremely antsy for my OB appointment next week to measure and reassure me that I'm exactly where *I* need to be?
Because really people, that's all you've done - is worry me, and make me teary, and make me feel like a piece of shit who's maybe fucking this up. And while not INTENTIONAL, good lord people, THINK before you speak! Because while in my gut, I feel like everything really IS fine - both the husband and I have been shocked by the way my belly is protruding now [compared to what it used to], Tiny B's movements have picked up both frequency AND strength so much so that even the HUSBAND has felt them now 3 times, and my weight gain (9-9.5lbs depending) continues - how can a pregnant woman NOT get teary? NOT feel like she's doing something wrong? And NOT worry when the only comments she gets now are ones questioning her size and behaviour?
Fine, yes, unlike all the other pregnant women you claim to know, *I* am rare because *I* exercise, but honestly, have you read a damn thing about how good exercise is both for me AND Tiny B? About how good exercise is for better labor? Or have you even stopped and bothered to think that maybe you don't know SHIT about me or what I'm doing, so you actually have NO idea how much I've cut back my exercise and how much my body really HAS changed?
Because yes, in the limited time YOU see me at work, YOU think I'm not as big as all your friends, but did you ever think that maybe that's just the way *I'M* carrying Tiny B (every woman is different!)? That maybe it's just the fact that 99% of the time *I* wear tight clothes [trying to emphasize the belly I finally have that I've wanted for so long] (maybe they wear loose clothes?)? Or maybe just the fact that you're too stupid to see how much I've grown?
*24 weeks tomorrow.
Thursday, 23 July, 2009
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28 comments:
People are dipshits, seriously that is the only possible answer. They always have to have a comment - I always got "geez you're HUGE, are you sure there is only one in there?" Really? Like that is a good question? Like I didn't feel like a heifer already?
Maybe you should wear a button that says, "I'm fine, baby is fine, now keep your dumbass questions to yourself".
Keep the faith sister! The rest of them can bite it.
The comments on size are just never good. Pregnant or not.
If it helps, some wingnut told me I looked tiny for twins at 20 weeks, and ten minutes later somebody asked if I was overdue.
People are asshats.
g
Ya, I'm with Goehde. Some people said "Whoah Nelly wide load approacheth" Others were like "Twins! Really...hardly looks like one."
And I hate to remind you...but you said "you're hardly showing" once or twice. =)
Can't wait to see your huge ass belly next weekend!
Are you going to let me rub it???
People really need to think before they speak. Although I must say I am guilty for telling someone they looked small for where they were in their pregnancy, but hey...some people just carry REALLY small. And that's normal and fine for them. I'm sure you are carrying perfectly normal for you...whether that's small or large or medium sized. Trust me, you'll have an easier time getting your pre-preggo body back after Tiny B comes out. I have skin rolls that just won't quit and I don't know if they'll even go away w/o surgery no matter how much weight I lose. *sigh*
Idiots ! I was getting that also I know how upsetting it can be. People saying "wow you are so small, I was out here !"
After some reading I realised that everyone is different , size, shape and also the way they carry the baby differently etc. So as hard as it is, don't worry about it, I suggest just educate the idiots.
People are stupid. And really, they've had very few examples of health to have a firm understanding of what pregnancy can be. Healthy pregnancy. I know, who am I to talk, I could already pass for 30 weeks myself and I'm still not pregnant--but I do know that it comes in all shapes and sizes.
I've not seen you of course, but I'm sure if I did I would mutter nothing more than..."You look great! Good job!"...and maybe, "What a lucky baby, to have a Mom who cares so much about staying healthy!"
Hang in there.
When it comes to pregnancy people can be insensitive jerks! They just don't understand how much one little comment can hurt.
I got quite large with my second daughter, despite the miles and miles I walked each day. People would comment from very early on (like 18 weeks or so and at that point I had only gained 3 lbs!) how I looked I was ready to pop any day. When I told them I was barely at the half way point I got these insane looks and was asked if I was sure I wasn't due sooner. The comments brought me to tears almost everytime. I had enough stuff to worry about without their comments. I finally started telling people "I don't comment on your weight and size, so back off!"
People are idiots and feel as if they need to comment on EVERYTHING especially when you are pregnant. It sucks furry monkey balls!
(((HUGS))) Next time someone comments on your size or on Tiny B well-being, give it right back to them.
I think that's why I hate small talk. People always feel the need to make some kind of comment about the size of a pregnant woman. However, taking it to the next level and asking if there's something wrong with the baby is a new shade of rude that I haven't encountered.
Stupid people. I love the comments that I get now "Well, you're finally starting to show!" Umm, yeah, I'm almost 9mths...
Don't worry about the weight. In my first like 27wks my weight gain was <10lbs & EVERY SINGLE measurement was right on track... even big sometimes! The one time I measure off (@ 29wks) was when he wiggled off to my right side. Ultrasound showed him on the "big" side.
Hate that you have to go through those comments & I can just imagine the comments you get about exercising. People are so stupid. I don't understand how they think it's NORMAL to be REALLY showing at 20/24wks!! I'd be worried if I was showing then!
You are doing great & I'm so proud of the way you've stayed so active & running! You are my pregnant hero!!
perhaps the correct responses is that you were thin to start with - so you will be all belly and a tiny round belly at that?
They're stupid. Rude and inconsiderate. I'm so sorry that you're having to deal with them.
From the last pictures that you shared, I'd have to say you look beautiful! Your belly looked perfect then and I'm sure it looks perfect, now.
And you're right about the comparison. I wonder how many of the people they've known have actually stayed in great shape during pregnancy. Probably NONE of them!! So you're only gaining baby-weight and carrying it well...why are they assuming that's a BAD thing?
Just remember, those are going to be the same people that pick their jaws up off the floor the first time they see you after Tiny B is born...so jealous because you have your rockin' figure back as soon as you pop the kid out!
Like Becca said, "Keep the faith!"
I'm telling you, for some reason all social etiquette goes out the window with pregnancy.
There is one girl in particular at work who is making me nuts with the 'your too small' and 'has your doctor said the baby's okay' comments. I am so, so close to looking at her and saying, "Just because I haven't gained 60lbs like YOU did doesn't make it wrong."
You are one of the rare exceptions that exercises during pregnancy (LIKE RECOMMENDED) and I would be proud of that committment. Because, Lord knows, sometimes it is all I can do to get out of bed in the mornings.
I'm about to start carrying around the only super flattering picture in existance of me in a bikini to show people for comparison. So the next time they say how 'small' I am, I can show them what I used to look like.
I think....people are perhaps used to seeing women get pregnant who already had a few extra pounds on them. You know, this being the Grand USA (or Canada) of SuperSize Me and all that. The majority of women getting pregnant these days are already overweight to begin with--whether it's 10 lbs or 100 lbs.
So, the fact that you were in optimal health and weight when you got pregnant means you are in the minority of American (or Canadian) women.
When my mom was pregnant back in the 60's, her Dr. never wanted any woman to gain more than 15 lbs--20 MAX.
Times have changed and people are used to seeing fatter women now.
It's not you. It's them and they can suck it.
I hated when people said that. But if you were the size of a house people would talk too. People like to talk. Sometimes (ok all of the time) they just need to shut their yaps.
I don't know what you look like but you look right sized to me!
People's mouths and brains disconnect around pregnant women - seriously. And I hate to say it but the comments aren't going to stop (from what I hear even after the baby!) It took a while but in the end I had to just let it go and realize that for whatever reason people see growing babies as public property that they need to protect (for whatever dumb reason they think) and somehow how big I was was part of that! Hang in there!
As others have said, assume they are actually jealous and/or ignorant.
However, consider it a prelude because the heat only gets turned up once Tiny B is born and all the other senseless comparisons start.
I have nothing new to add, but yes, people are idiots. Try to ignore them, dear Chicklet. You are doing splendidly.
The only novel approach I can think of is to completely freak out when people say stuff like that - I mean a full on sob-fest, telling people how anxious you feel and how it simply terrifies you to hear people saying there might be something wrong with Tiny B and, grabbing them by the lapels and shaking them slightly as you stream tears and snot down their shoulders, asking what, in the name of G*d, do they think you should do right now - go to emergency or find the highest risk doctor in the area or simply jump off a tall building right now and have done with it all? - because they have convinced you something is TERRIBLY wrong! I have a feeling it would stop them from saying anything similar to you in future and most likely would stop them from ever saying anything to a pregnant woman ever again.
People are dipshits. I carried way out, and always was asked if I was having twins. Nope, just an average sized boy. I had a very tiny coworker who must have been 4'10" and built quite petite who barely looked pregnant at full term. Perfectly healthy average sized baby girl.
You are a runner, and probably have great muscles, and keep the little one tucked in pretty well. I, on the other hand, was built for comfort, not for speed, and had nothing to hold back 8 lbs of baby.
It's all good!
I am sorry you are dealing with this, but I am not surprised. I get a lot of "you are tiny" AND "God, you're huge, are you sure you aren't carrying twins?" Sometimes on the same day. I kinda ignore these comments, every woman carries differently and my weight gain is on target to I just figure people are dumb and don't know what to say.
Having said that, it might help your sanity to figure out an answer you find satisfactory that you have at the ready for when people pull this on you. You know what you're most comfortable with, there are lots of options, just brainstorming there's the following:
"I'm sure my doctor would tell me if something was wrong."
"Oh, do you have a medical degree I didn't know about?"
"I only take advice on size from my doctor, thanks."
"I don't see how my size is your business."
"I know you mean well, but the last thing a pregnant woman wants to hear is all these comments about her size."
Silence. Stare at questioner and say nothing. Eventually they will stammer themselves into a corner or realize they are being an idiot.
Silence, followed by "Are you really trying to scare me that my baby is sick or dead?"
Silence, followed by "Did you really just ask me if there is something seriously wrong with my baby?"
Silence, followed by "Are you saying that I am killing my baby?"
I hate this! That's pretty terrible that people immediately ask if everything is all right with the baby.
I keep getting told too that I'm tiny. I think people just have no concept (of differences and keeping their mouth shut).
So sorry you are getting such upsetting comments. It does seem to come with the territory adn I have no idea why.
I also thought I would hate being told how big I am, and instead I am so annoyed when people say how small I am. Ahem, it is not small to ME!
Just keep the faith, and know that you are doing the best you can for yourself and your baby. All the rest is just white noise!
I like annacyclopedia's response. I used to use that method when people would ask me if I was ever going to have kids. Very effective.
People are stupid. They don't realize what they're saying or what the impact is, especially on a hormonal pregnant woman. And they surely assume they are the only one making that comment-- if they realized that others were saying the same thing, they might stop to think that, en masse, it may seem hurtful or offensive. But like I said, people are stupid. They just don't think. Plus, everyone just wants to have something to say to a pregnant woman or a woman with a baby, even if all they can think of is stupid, just because everyone loves babies, in or out of the womb. It's that whole thing where people seem to think that pregnant women and babies are public property and something to comment on. DON'T LISTEN. You're fine.
I just really think people are stupid. They see someone pregnant and have an urge to comment on their size, whether they "think" they are too small or too big. Somewhere along the way, that became socially acceptable, and it's crap.
I don't know if I've read your blog before, but *this exact thing happened over and over to me*. I wanted to be so happy that I was finally, finally pregnant, and I constantly got comments about my size.
People are stupid. If you and your doctor are comfortable, all is well.
Hey... comin' over from chez Nishkanu... I'm 20 weeks and I don't think my belly seems that big. Fortunately, I've not had any rude comments yet. But loved your post - wtf? People are just so incredibly stupid and careless. Sorry you're having to put up with that. I am all too often underwhelmed by the human race. Enjoy the rest of your pregnancy and you know what they say about the turkeys... :)
Forgot to add: are you tall? Cuz I am and my OB said that has a lot to do with it. Taller women just don't show as much.
Hang in there, Chicklet! Every pregnant woman is different...and because you are working out, you are probably smaller than others who are not.
It's the same once you have the baby. Don't try to compare your kid to others (when they roll over, teeth come in, they crawl, or walk...every kid is on his/her own schedule).
Go with what you know in your heart. All is well...
OMG, chicklet - I felt the same way. I was small, too - so much smaller than so many others. And when people remarked on it, it affected me, too. Affected me enough that when the u/s technician told me at 36w: 'hrm. The baby's measuring small.' I started crying. My OB assured me that everything was okay. And it was. Though I confess I didn't breathe easily until he was here.
Didn't help me, though. I wanted to be HUGE. Because then I KNEW Baby O would be okay.
xx
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