Last week, we went to our very first childbirth class. Except that THAT class wasn't about childbirth AT ALL - it was about communication, and being pregnant, and a whole bunch of... shit that was just sooooo... dated. Seriously, if you're online AT ALL, or you have more than $10 in your wallet, you've probably already read all they were teaching - because you know, you're living in the TWENTY-FIRST CENTURY.
And while we sorta forgave that, thinking it was just the first class in a series, it set a bit of a precedent of "WTF have we got ourselves into?". So having to go again last night, well the only way to salvage it was to turn it into date night and go out for a nice dinner somewhere new BEFORE the class, so at least we'd have something to fondly remember while suffering THROUGH class #2.
Except that class #2 wasn't AS bad. It was actually even... HALF good. But where I struggle is not just the fact that this information is DATED, or the fact that the videos are FROM THE SEVENTIES, or that the posters still refer to "Canada's Nutrition Guide" where the portions are not really inline with today's food, but also that nobody in this class seems to be ALIVE. These people? They are NOT our people. They're kinda dead inside!
And fine, I didn't GO there to make friends, but I would have liked to have been there with someone like OliveGirl who woulda laughed her ASS OFF at my "Uh, those of us having our vaginas ripped in half!" response (to the instructor's question of "who has questions?"). Or with someone like The Bestest Friend and her husband, who both would've enjoyed the husband's jokes about how SURE, he's parenting now - he's parenting every time he "rips that whiskey bottle out of chicklet's hands!". I just would have liked to have been there with someone who could have found some HUMOR in all of this.
And I'm not saying this has to be all fun and games - there's a LOT to learn here - but the problem is that we're not learning that much, or if we are, we're learning an hour's worth of content in 2 hours, and these people, they are taking this WAY TOO SERIOUSLY. I get being nervous - I am too(!) - but the amount that some of these people are FREAKING OUT over every little detail just sorta... astounds me.
Like I said, there's a LOT to be nervous about, and there's a LOT to learn - it's why we're there, we DO want to be prepared (even if we want to laugh at the ridiculousness of some of it), but the husband and I, well we also get that so much of this is really quite honestly, OUT of our control. Yes, we want to know everything we can, and yes, we want to feel like when things go strangely we've HEARD of that kind of thing so aren't as freaked out when the doc says it, but we also know that what's going to happen is what's GOING to happen and we need to be able to just ROLL with some of it.
That's WHY we're going to a hospital, to people who have DONE this before. So that when there's things to worry about, THEY can instruct us and guide us, and we can do what they say and roll with it, because fighting it? And trying to plan for EVERY little thing that COULD happen? Well I just don't see that as useful. It's worrying about things you can't control. It's stressing yourself out over something that's going to GO however it NEEDS to go. And I'd much rather about the things I CAN control, and let those who have done this before walk us through what we can't.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
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14 comments:
I had similar deadbeat/no humor people in my classes too.
Like, nobody laughed when the instructor showed us a "birthing bar" and I said, "you mean a birthing bar is not a cocktail cart that comes around after the baby is born???" or when the instructor asked what a "good" reason would be for being induced and I said, "if you're due close to Christmas and you want to be sure you don't have a Christmas baby???"
Nobody even cracked a smile. It's too bad because I think things really should be lightened up a bit.
I SO wish I could be a classmate of yours. We would totally transform that class.
;-)
This is exactly why we went "off the grid" for more private classes. I have no idea where or through who your doing your classes but we ended up paying a fair bit more for classes that weren't attached to a hospital or college or government agency. And it paid off. We only had 5 other couples in our class and they were a pretty fun group. Husbando and I find humour in everything and it was great that the rest of the group did too. (Like when they asked us what the alternatives were to getting an epidural and I said 'Suck it up?")
It sounds like a terrible thing to say but I think the fact that our classes were that little bit more expensive meant that we had a different socio-economic group (also a bit older) than is usually found at the other classes.
I'm sorry its sucking - can you get your money back and go somewhere else?
That makes sense to me! Thank goodness at least you're there to breathe some life into that class :)
I'd have a ball in that class with you...but, I'm afraid my sarcasm might get us kicked out...LOL.
Oh, I so want to be in your class! I have a powerful need to be among MY people the vast majority of the time, and I have a feeling that prenatal classes are going to be one of the times when feeling out of step with everyone else is going to be really uncomfortable.
Still chuckling at your man ripping the whiskey bottle out of your hands and calling it parenting. Awesome!
You MUST watch The Business of Being Born!
We felt pretty much the same way about our prenatal education classes. Kind of goofy and not that much more info than you could get from reading a book or two or poking around online. In particular the ones about breastfeeding were USELESS-- they were all about how wonderful breastfeeding is (duh), rather than about how it works and what to do when you encounter a problem. But the baby care classes were good-- lots of practical info in those classes.
Anyway, have fun with it! My husband and I would whisper jokes to each other to keep it light for ourselves!
Too bad the instructor didn't do a better job of setting the tone for the class...and laughing along with you and the other parents to lighten it up.
Yes, giving birth can be stressful, but it's a wonderful experience too.
I applaud your comment about letting the people who know what to do, help you through it. My midwife and nurses were caring, funny and very human while I was in delivery. I'm sure yours will be the same.
I am going to the hosptial because that is where the drugs are.
We take our classes in September. I can hardly wait. . .
I love your attitude- yes, it's good to know what ~could~ happen, but what ~is~ going to happen is pretty much out of your hands!
Our classes were attached to our hospital & were pretty much informationally useless- as in we already knew everything they told us. The only good part was during the simulated labor we were handed clothespins to pin on painful parts of our body to give us something to 'labor' through. As funny as thinking clothespins come anywhere near labor pains is- the best was during actual labor the hub looked at me during a pretty big contraction (with mega back labor) and asked what we supposed to do with the clothespins. My answer- stick 'em on your balls.
Worth sitting through 3 classes just to be able to say that.
Well you know how I felt about my childbirth class. Kumbaya and incense. We discussed lotus birth (where you leave the placenta attached until it "decides" to fall off, yum the dog would love that), orgasmic birth (ya right, that sounds like someone's marketing idea for natural childbirth). I actually got in a spat with the leader about OB's and their relative evil-ness.
But it was highly entertaining, and I met a fantastic group of smart women who I hang out with all the time. And we all have a good chuckle about some of the ridiculous ideas that are floating around in the natural child birth world these days. The most obnoxious and anti feminist idea is that without suffering the pain of childbirth you will not love/bond with your child because of the "love cocktail" of oxytocin. It's so offensive.
It's really been taken to a whole new dogmatic extreme. Some thinking women need to bring back some sense into it. It's just a knee jerk reaction against Dr's and science.
Don't get me started on the anti-vaccination people!
And as for watching The Business of Being Born that anon recommends. It fails to take a comprehensive view of homebirth. It claims that there is a similar death rate between home and hospital birth and that is simply not true. Consider that all high risk births are conducted at the hospital, and that generally homebirths SHOULD be uncomplicated. The death rate should be MUCH lower for homebirth, but it is not.
There's a reason why the childbirth death rate has plummeted in the 20th Century. It's called modern obstetrics.
Apparently I need to start writing at my blog again.
Good mindset to have. A lot of the experience is out of your control (ok most of it in my case). And hey, we missed our child birth classes and we made it through.
Although, I wish you would have been in mine if I went to them. I hear they are a little lame.
Your experience in the first class is exactly why I didn't sign up for the class offered at our hospital. That was about the same experience a good friend had when she went. She said the other parents made it even more painful - the first question asked was, "What does the placenta smell like?" Ick.
I would totally go to class with you . . .
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