I think one of the things I'm finding most fascinating - and ANNOYING - re being pregnant, is the amount of people who feel the need to comment on my weight. And by AMOUNT of people, I mean people who never ever in a million years, would OTHERWISE comment on my weight.
Like co-workers I barely know, but just pass and smile at in the hallway, or see by the water cooler. While some still hold back, and others just stare at the belly, others now can't RESIST the opportunity to comment.
Or friends' husbands, who I don't think ever in the last 10 years we've been friends, have EVER commented on my weight unless I've lost weight and a compliment was due. Well now, a visit can't pass without SOME comment on the weight and where it's been gained.
And while thankfully, sometimes these are GOOD comments, about how I don't look pregnant from the back, or how it's ALL belly - others however aren't as kind. They're not necessarily MEAN, or even MEANT to be mean, they're just comments you'd never say to a woman otherwise. Comments like how they apparently think I'm HUGE now, or how they can't get over how BIG I am already - and I'm only at FIVE months people!
And yes, I know none of this is MEANT to be insulting, and none of this is MEANT to be taken to heart - both of which for the most part I'm not doing, but what I AM doing however, is floundering over the way things change once you say you're pregnant. It's like once you OUT yourself as pregnant, your body is no longer subject to regular social etiquette. It's like once you OUT yourself as pregnant, you succumb your body AND your pregnancy as something EVERYONE owns - because even if you DON'T, they all believe they're a part of it anyway, so they all believe they have a right to say all the things they'd never say ANY OTHER TIME. Because really, at NO OTHER TIME in your life, would people be so free-flowing with their comments on your WEIGHT.
Weight is that thing - at least in MY mind - that nobody really talks about with people other than close friends, family, or doctors/clinicians. Weight is that thing that in particular, is NOT talked about with strangers or almost-strangers. Yet when you're pregnant, it's all anybody wants to talk about! Almost-strangers feel it's suddenly OKAY to comment on your size. Almost-strangers feel it's suddenly okay to use words like HUGE and BIG - to a woman! And they say these words like they're nothing! Probably because to some degree they ARE nothing, cuz they're not malicious, but to me, to TREAT these words like they're nothing, or to TREAT commenting on weight like it's nothing, well it's just NOT NORMAL.
Why at a time when you're probably THE most hormonal, emotional, and sensitive about your weight, is it suddenly okay to throw all social norms out? Why when you're pregnant is it funny for someone to laugh at how big you are, how fat your ass got, or the fact that apparently your arms are pregnant too?
Sunday, 21 June, 2009
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23 comments:
oof!
Comments about weight when pg are never fun. Since I was (am) plus sized to begin with I would have lots of "helpful" people telling me that I should watch out for gestational diabetes. And by helpful people I mean assholes at the grocery store.
Yea, weight is nobody's business. I hardly even talk about that with my husband or my friends. Although, it is a sore spot. If anyone every says anything to me about gestational diabetes like Calliope, I will have to knock them out.
Thanks for the comment, btw. Maybe I'm putting too much into it, but I had serious low blood sugar/nausea last night, this morning, and now (um, 2 hours after eating). I am really, really hoping that is a good thing!
I wonder if there is something in the simian brain that says, (in caveman voice) "Good female! You propagating species. Baby is ours! Right to judge body is ours, too!"
I think people just don't think about what they say before they say it. I got it a lot when I was pregnant and I got to a point where I was really freaking out about my weight--it was probably where you are now (5 months-ish). Anyway, by the time 7, 8, 9 months rolled around I was ginormous, I felt ginormous and there wasn't much else to say so I embraced it.
All this to say, people suck. Even when they don't mean to, they do.
((HUGS))
When people would make comments about my weight or size while I was pregnant, I had a tendency to get snarky in return. I think one time someone said something about are you sure you aren't having twins because you are so big and I said, "At least my issue will go away once I deliver."
I get a comment about my weight every freaking day! Now I just answer "my doctor is very pleased with my weight gain" in a matter of fact tone of voice. But they say it to me because I've gained 20 pounds already, yikes.
Sadly I think people feel a right to comment on weight when they perceive anyone as large, pregnant or not. As a fat person I get weight comments all the time, when I am not fat I do not, pregnant or otherwise.
oh people just loose their minds when it comes to pregnant ladies. you should have been there when i was schlepping around trout lake IN LABOUR when a woman asked me if i was having twins. i nearly throttled her.
I had my first belly touch this week. I almost died. I got extra padding in the belly, but it is definitely rounding out in a pregnant sorta way. And a bitch at work touched me. I almost died. So, yeah social norms gone.
Oh, yes.
I was actually the MOST horrifed at the ones who said I didn't look pregnant from behind. When my arse was twice it's normal size.
I'm offended that they thought I normally looked like that!
g
Don't you love the randomness of it too? Like one person will tell you that you are HUGE and must be having twins while the next will say you are so tiny, are you eating enough? With my first pregnancy a co-worker would seek me out every day to look me up and down, laugh like a maniac, and comment how huge I was getting. Mind you this woman weighed a good 100 pounds more than I did at even 9 months pregnant. I really think it made her happy to see me getting closer to her weight! I always bit my tongue but wondered how she would feel if one day I laughed at how big she looked in a particular outfit.
Personally I don't think that anyone (even family and friends) are allowed to comment on weight unless you're the one who brings it up...
I'm sure you look HAWT!!!
xxx
People Suck. They make rude comments and don't think about how it's going to affect the person.
I know when one of my BFF's found out I was pregnant--and mind you I'm not even showing yet--she cackled, not laughed, about how "fat my ass was going to get". I sort of hate her now. But mostly I wanted to say "well, at least I don't look 6 months pregnant two years after giving birth". Cuz, she does.
I'm sorry you're having to deal with stupid people.
Lately I've felt in a whirlwind of different comments, from "You just don’t look that big" to " Wow! Your HUGE! Are you suuuure you're not having twins?". ::eyeroll::
I have to agree with everything you've said, and I honestly am starting to get very annoyed with the size comments. Why can't ppl just stick to "You look so cute" and leave it at that.
OMG and I had a Dude put his hand on my belly the other day because he thought I was so big! I realized just then that I don’t like guys touching my belly unless it's my men.
I was never comfortable with weight being "out there" either. Especially at work.
And I'm with Geohde. I was pissed at the people who told me I didn't look pg from behind. Because I had to buy NEW PANTS in a bigger size towards the end because my ass grew. I was sort of annoyed that they thought I looked like that normally.
Thing is, too - I always got the "you're so small!" comments whenever someone asked when I was due. Made me worry I wasn't gaining enough weight (which I did. Apparently, in my ass. See above paragraph.)
It's amazing how when you are pregnant it is as though your body becomes public property. It seems it's OK to touch, comment on and look at.
Perhaps it the miraculousness of being pregnant and having a baby that is so attractive. And when stupid comments come out, it is purely because people just don't know what to say!
My parents always said, If you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all."
Maybe the pregnant corollary is, "If you don't have something nice to say, say something and hope that it comes out sounding nice."
Weight comments were one of the worst things to hear while I was pg. I had a few ppl that always said how great I looked and/or couldn't believe how far along I was and didn't look it. There were others, however, that thought it was okay to say things like "well, you'll go early cuz you're carrying big", etc...even though I was on the lower end of the weight scale the entire time, AND, after he was born, come to find out I was ALL baby and I've even gone 8lbs below my pre-pg weight within 2 wks! So there to the naive ppl:P
At any rate, it is annoying, I know. But from the looks of it, you're handling it well. Keep it up girl, you're already 5 FREAKING MONTHS!!
uRRRRRggggg. I hear ya. If one more person tells me that I must be due any day now I will punch them. My weight has shifted around like crazy and the comments seem to come fast and furious the closer I get. If one more person tells me to 'be careful' or that it goes on a lot faster than it comes off my head may explode. I don't know why people say it but I pray I never hear the words come out of my mouth!
I have always wondered that myself. Not that I have experienced it but my sister certainly did and I was always shocked by what complete strangers would say or do just because she was pregnant.
One word - UGH!!
I'm sorry you're having to put up with such buffoonery. Stupid people stink!
*ICLW*
I have found more and more that people just need to zip their lips. Move on people- you're going to make an ass out of yourself so don't say anything at all.
I have heard many pg women tell me they cannot believe what people say and do regarding their pregnancies. Assvice and belly touching and sorts of really inappropriate things.
I am sure you look beautiful!
I agree - I may be a teensy bit more sensitive than normal but I feel being pregnant is NOT a 'free pass' for people to say whatever they want to me.
You would think the knowledge that pregnancy = hormones = emotionally unstable would make people even more cautious about little comments than usual!
Hi Chicklet, just wanted to let you know that EXACTLY THE SAME THING happened to me today. I was cracking up on the inside. On the outside I was saying "Gee, I don't know how to respond to that" when someone said I was hyuuuuuuuuge. When I got home Mr. Nishkanu laughed and said "actually, you don't look as bloated as usual today." Which is true, I had been complimenting myself on looking more "is she fat?" and less "is she pregnant?"
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