21.1km @ 12 Weeks & PROUD of It!

I'm not sure where even to start here, so I'm just jumping in to say it's done, I survived, and all is surprisingly WELL. Plus I did better than I thought! Official time? 2:20:32, which I'm QUITE happy with for 21.1km!

My goal going into this (way back when, before I was pregnant)) was a 2:15. My adjusted goal (pregnant) was 2:30 IDEALLY, or just finishing if push came to shove and I felt like crap. And throughout the run, I can really say, it wasn't even until kilometre 14 that I LOOKED at my time or pace - something I usually do quite often. I'd resigned myself this morning that finishing was the most important thing, and my pace would be my pace, and if I walked, so be it. I'd also aimed not to walk until after Prospect Point though, just cuz goals throughout keep my mind in check when my body's tempted to do otherwise but doesn't really NEED to do otherwise.

But once I was in it? Honestly? I was feeling AWESOME. And it wasn't just the thousands of other runners around me, or the storm that blew through last night giving us PERFECT weather, or the oh-so-cute husband showing up at the start line, the 7km mark, the 16km mark, AND the finish line - it was just that somehow, my body decided to cooperate today. Hell, my body even decided to START to cooperate last week by having the nausea start to pass!

But today, it's like everything was in sync. My heart rate was perfect, my cardio seemed absolutely fine (even going up Prospect Point which is a motherf*r of a hill I might add!), my bowels were in check, and even the pain was reasonable. Around kilometre 12, the soles of my feet started to hurt, telling me that apparently I've run these shoes into the ground with all my training. And around kilometre 17, I was just physically DONE with the whole thing, to the point of debating walking just CUZ. But overall, while I can't say it was EASY, I also can't say it was that hard? Which I'm really freaking SHOCKED to write at this moment.

Cuz there were times in the last few weeks of training where I thought I was going to HAVE to throw in the towel. There were mornings in the last few weeks where I didn't think I could get out of the SHOWER, let alone run 21.1km at that time of day! There were runs in the last few weeks where NOTHING cooperated, EVERYTHING went wrong, and I wanted to just quit ALL of it, sit on the couch with my feet up, and eat some damned ice cream.

And I'm so glad that in the end, I rejected ALL of it. Because I didn't put in FOUR MONTHS of training for nothing. Because I didn't obsessively write down EVERY DETAIL of what I ate and drank vs when I ran and how I felt for nothing. Because I didn't run Prospect Point a couple times pre-run to get over the mental hurdle of DEAR GAWD, NOT PROSPECT POINT, for nothing. It all WENT somewhere. It all got me HERE. 12 weeks and 21.1 kilometres.

And yea, I was ALLOWED to quit - I was PREGNANT (yes, the "p" word is in use today), but I didn't WANT to quit. I needed NOT to quit. I really feel like infertility took so much of ME away, and letting pregnancy take it away too? Well no matter how selfishly wrong that might have been to weigh it that WAY, that's part of how it felt. I felt like I was finally getting ME back, and only with me back had I GOTTEN pregnant. So with a whole lotta research to remind me it was safe, I kept doing it - because I needed to KEEP me, the way I would've kept me if I hadn't gone through 3 years of that infertility bullshit.

And with a husband rooting me on, pushing me I COULD do it, telling me those rough days were just that - rough DAYS (even when he himself now admits those mornings where I couldn't get out of the shower, even HE wondered), well, it's done. I've run TWENTY-ONE POINT ONE freaking kilometres, and everything seems intact. And while I had to come home and sleep a few hours to recover, and I'm now eating us out of house and home, everything also seems to FINALLY, be perfect. Cuz I'm PREGNANT and KICKING ASS! And one day, Tiny B's gonna hear ALL about it - probably repeatedly.