So that last one, uh, that was a bit of a doozy eh? Sometimes, when I re-read things, I laugh a little at how mad I get, how upset I get, and how freaking CRAZY I'm sure I come across. But knowing that in a few days I'll be LESS so, well it doesn't stop me from posting it because THIS is what I'm going through, and THIS is what I wanted a record of, so regardless if a couple days, a couple runs, and a couple new running outfits WILL make feel better, I still want a record of how it CAN feel. Of how, sometimes, it DOES feel.
As for WHY he wants me to not run at all? Truthfully, I don't know - I didn't even ask. And I think I didn't even ask because I've just heard it SO many times from EVERY other doctor, that I just kinda accepted it, didn't question it, and figured that was my fate should we decide to continue. But as I hinted at above, given a couple days, a couple runs, a couple more pounds off(!), and some fabulous comments reminding me I COULD ask for a compromise on the running, I've (we've) decided that no matter what, I'm running the half in May.
No matter what, the husband's got a couple business trips coming up, so really, what's the point in rushing a decision? No matter what, this has been too mentally FREEING for me to just let it go. And no matter what, there's no way in HELL we're letting ANYTHING mess with what I'm doing here, what I'm only halfway through, yet ALREADY proud of.
Because I've worked DAMN HARD to get to this point. Because I've smiled more in the last 3 months, than I have in the last YEAR - if not longer. Because as of today, 2 months into our "program", I'm 2 weigh-in's* short of my 10lb goal. And I'm not only wearing the clothes to prove it, but CARRYING them differently, because I finally feel like ME again - something I've only felt in fits and spurts in the last few years. Something I'm finally feeling on a daily, if not hourly, basis now. And cheesy as it is to say it, I f*g deserve it.
*I have a weird rule where a single weigh-in at x weight doesn't really count, because weight fluctuates so much. As such, I have to see that number on the scale THREE times before I consider it legit - good or bad. This morning I saw the goal weight for the first time. Now I wait...
Thursday, 5 March, 2009
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
18 comments:
I am glad YOU are back.
Doctors don't know everything, and they are especially deficient on the mental components that affect the physical. So keep running - because maybe that will help, in the long run (oops, I made a pun).
Excellent decision, dear. There are so few aspects of this life of ours that we have control over, that when we do get to exercise it, it feels really, really good. Best of luck on the half!
I like your weird rule. May that magic number show up again tomorrow and the next day.
Good on ya for finding what works for YOU.
Hey - I think you are actually giving me some hope. I mean, that I might get my "me" back someday, too.
Thanks!
Way to go Chicklet! I say if running makes you happy and there is NO proper medical reason to stop then don't stop ;)
xxx
I see where you're coming from. I just want you knocked up, preggers you know :)
How we grasp at anything that might be the solution!
xxx
You are amazing.
YES!!! Good. Getting YOU back is SUCH a win over the hell of IF. AWESOME.
I think that, when I accepted that IF was a marathon for us, not a sprint, that's where I started to take my life back.
I am SO glad to see that you're doing this. Really really REALLY glad.
You really are kicking some serious ass Chicklet, and even more so because you are going to do what feels right to you and not sacrifice yourself. You comes first, then hopefully everything else will follow.
"I finally feel like ME again" - it's a nice feeling, isn't it? When the weight of your disappointment and heartache and grief finally let go of your body and it can be free to remember what it can do instead of what it can't.... yet.
You more than deserve it, Chicklet. I hope the feeling of being gloriously, happily YOU sticks around forever.
I have a very similar method for the weight thing too.
Glad to hear you are able to hang on to the peace you have found.
Hurray for the running.
You DO deserve it! This whole process can turn a woman into a crazy person at the drop of a pin so I say hold on to those good feelings. The craziness will always be just around the corner.
Good for you, girl! Hell ya you deserve it!!
Just an info thin g from my RE. Anything that increases heart rate when doing IVF can potentially cause demise. The implantation is not the same as in natural occurring pregnancy and is much more fragile. Studies have shown increased heart rate activities to be linked to early losses. That is why I was always told any exercise had to keep my heart rate minimally raised.
I am an exercise geek too and looked into the issues with exercising during IVF a year or two ago. At the time it seemed to me as a lay person that there were two problems that can occur with exercise:
1) Ovarian torsion
When you do IVF your ovaries get pumped up like two giant grapefruits. When you engage in activities where they are jarred, they can twist in your stomach. If they do so the blood supply to them is cut off. This causes severe pain and can cause you to lose your ovary.
2) Reduced success rate
A study of exercising IVFers showed that exercise before/during the cycle reduces success rate. I don't think anyone knows why really.
Should these things stop you from exercising? Up to you, and up to how you balance these risks with your sanity.
I asked a (non-RE) doctor friend of mine about issue #1 and she said I could keep exercising as long as, if I get severed abdominal pain, I make sure to tell the hospital about the possibility of ovarian torsion (so that they can reverse it before the ovary dies).
Re issue #2, it is possible that the problem is correlated with exercise but not caused by it (e.g. it is possible that severely underweight and severely overweight people may be exercising more than others and be less likely to have successful IVF cycles). In any case, I think this needs to be weighed along with the 10,000 other things we all grasp onto in the hopes that by doing x,y, or z we can magically get the IVF cycle to work even though we actually have very little control over the outcome (e.g. resting for days after the transfer). I find as my IVF cycle # increases my interest in doing these things plummets.
In any case these are obviously not necessarily your doctor's reasons for saying exercise is bad, but maybe it would be worth asking him not whether you can exercise but how you can manage the risks associated with exercise.
I have the exact same weigh-in rule. Not so weird, I think.
I say keep running!
Post a Comment