What to do, what to do...
Go see another clinic? Sure, there's 2 others in the city, and 1 more in Victoria. We definitely are lucky that we DO have options.
Get a second opinion? Sure, that COULD help ease our minds a little, or even head us down the path of yet another IVF. If that's what we even want to do...
But going to another clinic, or getting a second opinion, or even BOTH, well they could also just piss me off, frustrate me to no end, and just waste MORE bloody time leading us right back to the same answer we already have.
And yea yea, I recognize that probably sounds angry, impatient, and even a tad CRAZY, but I really don't believe I'm angry, impatient, or crazy over NOT getting pregnant - I'm angry that I'm even in this fucking situation. The situation whereby on IVF number THREE, my clinic hadn't obviously learned ANYTHING from my past TWO IVF's (and whatever other previous monitoring, tests, and procedures they had done) to at least get me to retrieval. How is it possible that on IVF number THREE they couldn't even match my low expectations of the results of IVF number TWO???
And that's where I guess I'm really stuck. It's not about not wanting that "real" third go. It's not about not wanting to see if someone else WOULD actually learn from my past. It's not even about not wanting to know if someone else COULD actually get me pregnant. It is however about not wanting to take yet ANOTHER clinic through learning how MY body works, what drugs *I* need, and what type of monitoring I believe *I* probably require.
It IS about not wanting to hear more promises about the many ways they think they're different and really CAN deliver for me, when really maybe they're just like the other clinic, and they'll be more interested in following protocol than doing what works best for ME and MY body.
It IS about not wanting to start over from scratch. Cuz no matter how many of my files I bring over, and how much proof I have of what does and doesn't at least SOMEWHAT work, they're going to want to do THEIR thing - whatever that thing may be. Which means NEW tests, NEW procedures, and new freakin' arguments and concern over whether that's a risk we're willing to take, or that's a thing we want to do.
And it IS about not wanting to spend more money going down a path that leads to the SAME ending. Because really, if we're going to end up here anyway, let's just accept that and move on. Let's move onto the path that has a much bigger POSSIBILITY of a happy ending. Let's move onto the path that says we'd be pretty damned good "on paper". Let's move onto the path that might not be any closer to an ending but a path that at the very least, wouldn't be THIS.
No matter how exciting or shitty or wonderful or horrible that new path would be, at least it wouldn't be THIS.
Monday, 26 January, 2009
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17 comments:
it's exhausting, isn't it? I'd be angry too. and that takes a lot of energy also, you know?
hope you and the mr. are finding your way to the same page, whatever it may be...
I learned a lot from some of the big clinics with phone consults - even offices I wouldn't really be able to cycle with. It may be worth it to find out what they have to say.
Sorry everything about this is so hard. I hope figuring it out the next step isn't so bad...
I can only tell you my experience. We DID go to another clinic for a second opinion, when I was feeling precisely the way you were. I was frustated, and following what I thought was a well-worn path, and I just wanted to see what else was out there.
The consult didn't go very well, in my opinion. The doctor was patronizing, the clinic just ok, and I came out pretty frustrated because I didn't get any answers.
We ended up staying with our old clinic because the doctor didn't tell us anything we didn't already know. And at least my doc was willing to LISTEN to me.
Only you know when and if you're DONE with treatments. If you are, then move on. If you've got it in you for another try, because yeah, you were gypped on this one? Then make sure you GRILL your doctor on why and how and what will be different this next cycle. Make sure you are HEARD.
*hug* I'm so fucking sorry you're in this place right now. And I hope that you and your husband can find an answer to this debate that you're comfortable with.
Because in the end, that's all that matters. What YOU (both of you) are comfortable with. What YOU want to do.
This whole situation just farking sucks! Hope you both get to the same page and can be happy with the decision moving forward.
HUGS
xxx
I was one of the "ditch your clinic" comments from your last post- but after reading this? Well I get it more. I bounced around a couple of clinics (mostly getting bounced out because of my single girl status) and you are right- no matter how effing chunky your file is they all want to start at THEIR beginning. And who the eff has patience to deal with that. It still sucks ass that you are dealing with idiots- but at least you know the flavor of their idiocy and can work around/with it. um. yeah.
It's so tough. I wish you lived near me so that I could recommend a doctor to you who I KNOW would actually listen and who would even learn from your past experiences at other clinics in order to help you get pregnant asap. But I think that's exactly what you need. A doctor who will listen to you! You know your body better than any RE and someone needs to realize that. GOOD LUCK!!! *hugs*
Mmm, you may recall a post I wrote about doctors NOT truly listening to the patient - which truly, truly PISSES ME OFF. Their medical knowledge and experience definitely exceeds a layperson but MY knowledge and experience of MYSELF definitely OUTWEIGHS their knowledge of me.
Anger can be very productive, it enables you to clear out the cobwebs and build Ikea furniture in a flash. My own anger came from being unable to control my body and the things that were being done to it.
Talk to your hubby, work it out and whatever is next, you will approach like the true leader you are.
Only you can decide what the next step is, or if there is going to be another step. In my honest opinion, If V clinic was here, I would have chose it over the other clinics. But you are right, you'll still have to go through all the tests, and who knows how much V clinic likes to taylor their care to you, not their protocols.
Only you can decide if you want to go through this all over again. I'm sorry you're in this situation to begin with.
Thinking of you guys.
I'm still sitting here fuming on your behalf. Those asshats.
I echo Deathstar's comment - they may have the medical degree but I know ME. They don't.
I completely agree with you. Where you're at now is better than going to someone who doesn't know you and insists on trying to fit you into their mold. Despite your protests.
Thinking of you.
I don't know what I would do. I know for us, the goal is to get to two retrievals before we call it quits. I've got one more attempt before I call it finished - and it won't matter if I get to retrieval or not.
If you are ready to pull the plug on treatment and you won't have regrets, then it might be time to pull the plug. If you will always wonder what would have happened if you had a third cycle that wasn't cancelled, maybe you need to keep at it.
Listen to your heart. It will guide you.
It's a long long road sometimes, isn't it - and only you know when and if you want to get off this road and get another one (I know when I was at the end of the IVF/FET attempt hell I was SOOO done I thought I would explode if I thought, read or did anything artificially reproductive). Taking a BIG break was helpful, even if it was a forced, finding a GC break.
Take it easy, we're with you no matter what.
I wish I could offer you some good advice, but I can't even imagine what I would feel or do if I was in your shoes. I hope you and your husband can agree on a path that feels right for both of you.
I don't blame you for being pissed. All I can offer is my own experience. I switched REs twice. It was the right decision both times. Phone consults could be helpful in deciding whether it's worth switching.
Hang in there.
I wish I had some words of wisdom for you, but the truth is I'm in a little shitty boat on a different shitty little river. But I can sympathize, and I'm so, so sorry you're in this situation. It sucks big nasty things I can't put into words. Starting over is so very hard, not an easy decision anywhere you look...
Wishing you success and sanity!
I have no assvice on this matter because I've never been there. Its a bad situation your in and I hope the answer finds you soon.
It really can seem like you're damned if you do and damned if you don't move on to another clinic.
Where ever your heart is leading you, I say go.
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