How 40 Baht Saved My Ass

While I promised I wouldn't make this into a blog about poo, there IS one more poo story I have to tell from the trip. The Thailand one.

So the thing is, when you're travelling with IBS, you're normally pretty freakin' CAREFUL about what you eat, cuz while you know the things that WILL set you off, you also don't know ALL the things that will set you off. However, when travelling in the most INSANE heat you've ever travelled in, sometimes you get just plain old SLOPPY.

Cuz our first night in Thailand, well, we got sloppy. Hot, hungry, tired, and EXTREMELY entertained by the craziness that was Bangkok, we decided to join IN on the craziness that was Bangkok, and have ourselves a few drinks. And while HAVING those drinks, uh... we ate the ice. As the girl who LIVES to scoop ice out of drinks on ALL our trips, I really don't know HOW this happened, but regardless, it did, and we paid. DEARLY.

The next morning, fighting for turns on the toilet, the husband and I realized IMMEDIATELY what we'd done. The problem though, is sometimes NO amount of Immodium is going to save you. You need to just let your belly RUN its course, and wait until it's done. The problem THAT morning however, was that we were leaving Bangkok the next morning at FIVE AM, on a flight for which we needed to WALK over to the travel agent and PICK UP our tickets.

Being the good wife that I am, I agreed it wasn't fair that he ALONE run the risk of shitting his pants, that if we were BOTH sick and BOTH needed tickets, we should BOTH run the risk. Being the EVER so smart traveller I'd become in those couple days in Bangkok, not only did I wear WHITE shorts, but I didn't pocket ANY freakin' toilet paper with me as I had the REST of the trip.

So off we went, walking both as SLOWLY and as QUICKLY as our bellies would let us, spotting EVERY restaurant or store along the way that MIGHT let us use their facilities. Fortunately, we made it to the travel agent's. UNfortunately, we made it just in time for me to realize it was GO time, and they DIDN'T have a bathroom.

So off I went again, going as QUICKLY as my belly would let me, begging for mercy that somewhere CLOSE would have a bathroom I could use. Thankfully, two doors down was a restaurant with waiters in it who didn't seem to care AT ALL when I bolted straight past ALL of them, directly into their bathroom.

A bathroom which halfway through my "incident" I realized DIDN'T have toilet paper.

A bathroom which halfway through my "incident" I also realized had NOBODY else in it who could HAND me toilet paper.

So what's a girl wearing WHITE shorts to do? Well she can't pull her shorts up and switch stalls - these shorts were very VERY white, and the "incident", well, NOT so white. She can't use her pocketed toilet paper, cuz she's too STUPID to remember to bring it. And well, the idea of using her hand just AIN'T gonna fly until the times are really really REALLY desperate.

So what's a girl to do? Start counting baht. Cuz while it's not the most ABSORBENT paper in the world with it's GLOSSY SHEEN, it is at least SOMETHING. And when the conversion is done, and it equals to about a buck Canadian, that 40 baht may have been the BEST spent money I spent the entire trip.