My Poo Date

The post where I talk about poo...

I, chicklet, have "belly issues", and by "belly issues", I really mean POO issues. Cuz I, chicklet, have IBS - Irritable Bowel Syndrome. And while I'm sure everyone in the world could CLAIM they have IBS, until you've repeatedly had meals where you've JUST eaten and suddenly been presented with the telltale cramping that's actually a 30 second to 5 minute WARNING of the exploding bum to follow, you probably don't have it.

And while there's a whole lot of OTHER ways I could tell people they don't have it, I won't, cuz where I'm going is that when you're a proud IBS card-holder of over 10 years, sometimes you just gotta throw caution to the wind, and realize that you WON'T always know where the nearest bathroom is, and SOMETIMES, you won't even know if there even IS a bathroom.

The results of which, are the "poo stories"...

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Wandering around Ta Prohm, the husband with his camera, I with mine, we were having a fairly decent morning. The cabbie we hired picked us up on time, the breakfast buffet at the hotel had been really good, and we'd even seen an ELEPHANT walk past our car on our way into the temple. So far... actually, a pretty good day.

And then, probably about 10 minutes into climbing around the Bayon, I had cramps, and I mean CRAMPS. The kind that said, "get your ass to a toilet in 5 minutes or less, or these shorts, they ain't gonna be so green anymore". I did my usual panicky yell to the husband, about how I had to BOOT IT and I'd find him LATER. He did his oh-so-kind run after me, to help me focus - not on pooing, but on NOT pooing. He'd find the bathroom, I'd turn my brain into a jedi master.

Walking as fast as my butt would take me WITHOUT being set off, we walked past dood after dood who were all, "oh yea, over there, to the left". Well, unfortunately when we actually GOT over "to the left", there was nothing but a ROAD. So while I played my jedi master DON'T-POO mind games, the husband ran ahead to find out what the HELL was going on. And what it turns out was going ON, was the nearest toilet was 1 KILOMETER away.

So as I arrived to the husband and the dood who'd just dropped the BOMB that the nearest toilet was 1 KILOMETER away, the husband was yelling at the dood, "go go, quick!", and I'm all, "what the hell's going on?", and he's all, "please don't panic but it's a km down that road - but this guy, he's got a bike, he'll take you!", and I'm all, "the rattling, the shaking, it's gonna set me off?!", and he's all, "well it's that or standing here shitting yourself?". Good point...

AROUND the corner whips the dood on his bike, I hop on, and we JET down the road. And while I'm sure I saw a whole lot more of the temple that I later told the husband we had to walk down the road to SEE, all I could focus on on the way there was TICK TOCK TICK TOCK TICK TOCK, and holy rattle rattle rattle rattle...

Now obviously, if I'm telling this, ONLINE, you've probably already realized I did NOT in fact, shit myself, but ya know, when you're on a 2 minute countdown TO shitting yourself, and you learn the NEAREST toilet is 1 KILOMETER away, and you have to get on a STRANGER'S motorcycle to GET to that bathroom, and that oh-so-kind stranger not only TAKES you to the bathroom but he even WAITS for you outside the bathroom (to take you BACK to your husband)... Well, even if it means that the stranger knows just HOW LONG I really WAS in that bathroom, and what I was probably DOING in that bathroom... there ain't nothing like a "poo date", so it's honestly, one of my favorite stories of the trip. Even if it DOES involve poo.