Appreciative

There's so many days in my life where I just sit back and think, "Gawd, what would I do WITHOUT him", and I mean it with SUCH sincerity, it actually makes me wanna PUKE a little. Mind you, it really IS just a LITTLE urge to puke, but the urge, well it's definitely there.

Cuz ME... not so much into the sappy stuff. Definitely NOT into Valentine's Day, definitely NOT into celebrating anniversaries, and probably what I should've said first cuz it's FOREMOST... MOST DEFINITELY NOT into calling each other honey bear, baby, luv, or any other term of endearment most people would consider NORMAL. Cuz with US..., well, our terms of endearment fall more into the moron, fool, crazy lady, and fuckface genre.

And while I'm sure it SOUNDS messed up, and even like we might have one of those HOSTILE relationships where we fight all the time, we're NOT and we DON'T. In the four+ years we've been together, we've had THREE serious fights - THREE! There's definitely a lot of little bickering in between, but that BICKERING? It's about the silly stuff you're gonna have in ANY relationship. It's about the freakin' PILES he leaves all over the house, it's about my *apparent* BARBARIAN behaviour in the kitchen, it's about his inability to EVER leave the house even when he SWEARS he's ready (jacket and shoes and all), and it's even often about my crazed need to create a MAGICAL spreadsheet for EVERY SINGLE THING WE DO. All in all, it's inconsequential.

But back to where I was going with all this...

The truth is that we just *go* together, and this weekend, well, it was REMINDER after REMINDER after REMINDER of just that.

When I was talking to DEATH my somewhat problematic second thoughts, and all the glorious support and advice I got from blogland, he nodded, he listened, and then PROVED he was listening by talking about how different it is to TTC when you're in the THROES of first wanting a kid vs when you're fighting over HAVING to have sex to GET that damn kid, and how maybe if you MISS your opportunity during the THROES, maybe it changes things.

When I was laughing about how CHEAP we got our floor hockey shoes at the Adidas Outlet, and how I really really REALLY love a deal, he reminded me JUST what a deal we'd gotten because not only did we save on our SHOES, but we'd not even paid for the GAS to get out there [cuz of the test drive we'd taken of one of the vehicles we're considering]. Cheap shoes AND free gas? I was so excited I think I may have wet myself a little.

And when I was making him run the two downtown bridges, ensuring we GOT OFF our fat duffs and DID something, he started laughing - a LOT. And when I asked what the HELL was up, he commented that we really WERE meant to be together, cuz NOTHING makes ME happier than making HIM suffer, and NOTHING makes HIM happier than hearing ME laugh.

So looking around my little house this morning, stealing sniffs of all my tulips... I don't think I could appreciate MORE the fact that when I think about our relationship, it makes me wanna puke.