Reality Check #1? The RE who did the u/s this morning, well SHE's the one I originally tried to SWITCH TO back when my horrible RE wasn't willing to do much of anything for us. SHE's the one who offered up and actually DID my laparoscopy because horrible RE didn't do them. Mostly though, SHE's the one they wouldn't LET me switch to because she was going off on her ONE YEAR mat leave in a matter of days...
So yea, we've now been fooling around with the clinic LONG ENOUGH to figure out my (former) RE should actually be dealing with DEAD people. We've now been fooling around with the clinic LONG ENOUGH to try to SWITCH to a new RE who was taking off on her ONE YEAR mat leave in a matter of days. And we've now been fooling around with the clinic LONG ENOUGH to have her HAVE a baby, TAKE a year off, and COME BACK to me still NOT pregnant.
Reality Check #2? Still six. Just six. Only six. They're BIGGER than yesterday (now 16's and 18's instead of 12's and 13's), which I guess is SOMETHING. And supposedly my lining is "perfect", which again, is SOMETHING. But still six. Just six. Only six.
And I guess where I'm feeling all sorry for myself is this is just NOT the part I thought would be hard. This is just NOT the part I thought WE'D struggle with. So for it to BE hard, and for it to BE the part we're struggling with, well it just makes the rest of it all that much more scary. Because going from a COCKY bitch who thought she'd get TONS of follicles, to a DEFEATED bitch who was told we have "JUST ENOUGH to continue the cycle", well it's all a little bigger a reality check than I really considered was even an OPTION for us.
Yea, I was realistic that this really might NOT work this time, but I was as okay as anybody can expect to BE with that idea because I THOUGHT we'd have all these BACKUPS, because I THOUGHT we'd have so many OPTIONS. So now, most likely WITHOUT those backups, and most likely WITHOUT many options, well that whole being realistic thing, it's just plain old DEPRESSING. We could really be AT THIS stupid game a whole lot longer?
And yea yea, I KNOW it ain't over until the fat lady sings, and all it takes is ONE, and it's all about QUALITY not QUANTITY, but when you think you have STELLAR ovaries cuz you're "unexplained" but it turns out you have TURDS for ovaries, well it all just freakin' sucks.
Regardless, tomorrow me and my two stupid TURDS go back for scan #3. Most likely, I'll also get the instruction to trigger, taking me to a Wednesday retrieval, so in the meantime, I'll be sitting here cursing my two stupid TURDS, crossing ALL my fingers and ALL my toes, and hoping hoping HOPING that AT THE VERY LEAST, my little six-pack DOES what they're SUPPOSED to.
17 comments:
From one who has done this a few times, some times you can have 6 good follicles, and then the next time, you could have 20 good follicles. Egg quantity can change as well. I've had 12 eggs, then used 3, then lost the rest of them and then another time, I had 20 eggs, used 4, and only had 6 good eggs to freeze. Sometimes, the medication needs to be upped. It's never the same twice.
This was so me on my first cycle... still pretty young, diagnosed with manageable male factor, we'd have lots with leftovers to freeze, this was gonna be a piece of cake! Then a whopping 6 follicles, 3 pretty crap-looking embryos, and the little pregnancy that couldn't. Doctor told me to start thinking about DE. What the?!
I went for a second opinion and ended up switching clinics. Next cycle had 19 eggs. So it ain't over yet, that's for sure. But I so hear your "but we were supposed to be the EASY ones!" It sucks, sucks, sucks.
Chicklet, I am so very sorry that you're not having an easier time, truly.
xx
J
Sorry your numbers aren't where you'd like them. I'm still holding out hope that this is the best six pack you've ever had!
I've got everything crossed!
I can't think of one single BAD thing that comes in six-pack form... Mike's Hard Lemonade... YUMMY, beer of your choice... Washboard stomach of that yummy billboard model (drool).
I think your six-pack is in good company. Not only are they destined to be hot Hot HOTTIES, but they'll be light & refreshing on a warm summer evening, too.
I am sorry this is not going as you expected. After doing injections, i found out that meds react differently with each cycle and different med react differntly with different people. I know 6 may not be the number that you were looking for, but i think 6 is respectible and wishing good things for you
I know, I know honey-pie. It feels super sucky. I was there the last 2 times (one of which was cancelled -- talk about feeling like they're turds! ugh.).
As others have said, each cycle can be different, each med can be different. You are not out of options (but I know what you mean about feeling this should have been easy).
Hang in there. I'm with ya on Wed.
Oh Sweetie,Icould have written this(although not so well) I really had no idea that this part could possibly be so difficult. I thought we'd sail through, maybe not be successful in the try but I never expected to under perform. It's yet another thing to beat myself up over. It is very hard to accept and I feel for you.
Of course six excellent embryos would be just fine. It's a cliche, but it really does only take one.
Go super 6! Im sorry there arent more to look at yet, but I do totally believe in quality over quantity. Im hoping these eggs are fighters and winners for you!
I'm sorry it's not as many as you hoped for and expected and I'm sorry you're even in a position to be hearing the cheery "but it only takes one!" but I am thinking good thoughts for the six doing the work of twenty.
Beer lovers across the globe would ask you how you could possibly go wrong with a six pack?
Good luck with those turds.
I'm crossing all of my crossables for you!!
Well, I'm still holding out plenty of hope for you and your little turd ovaries. And don't think that this means this cycle is doomed, or that other cycles would be the same. Nothing is ever doomed, or ever the same. But I sure can relate to being "unexplained" and thinking that I still had stellar ovaries. What a rude awakening.
I'll be crossing my fingers for you too!
~Woohoo~ for those SIX! (I've decided I'm going to root for what you have, instead of be bummed at what you don't have. And maybe those six will be sixteen tomorrow, but for now...)
6 packs. What a good reference. Good things come in 6packs. Hot abs. Beer. My crack - diet coke. those little packs of donuts.
Come on SIXER! Grow big and happy and all at the same rate so you can all be fertilized and beyond. GO SIX!!!!
I have to tell you that my ovaries are bigger turds than yours. :)
You are not the only one!
These damn cycles - never go the way you want! Maybe you're getting all of the drama out of the way early, and it will be smooth sailing from here. That's what I'll be hoping for!
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