I don't know why TODAY of all days I've started to count down, but today it is. TODAY I start counting down to my next period. TODAY I start counting down to the shots. TODAY I start counting down to the bloodwork, the ultrasounds, the retrieval, the prometrium, and the transfer. All of which leads to the BIGGEST countdown of all - the two week wait to end all two week waits.
And while DEEP DOWN I know it's supposed to be exciting, right now I'm just finding it sad. I'm sad that I'm down to my last two days of birth control, I'm sad that I'll get my period shortly, I'm sad that I'll have to start my shots shortly after that. And I'm sad that all of this tied together in a neat little bundle means I'm ACTUALLY HERE. Here in a place where I snort nasty SHIT up my nose twice a day, here in a place where I drop off prescriptions for drugs I have to INJECT into my belly, here in a place I never EVER, in a million years, would've thought I'd be.
And as I said above, it just makes me sad. Sad that when I take in my prescription, I have to do it EARLY because they have to SPECIAL ORDER my drugs. Sad that when I actually TAKE IN my prescription, the pharmacist asks me in an incredulous tone if I have ANY IDEA HOW MUCH THIS WILL COST ME!!! Sad that really, most people have no freakin' clue.
Because all the people behind me in line, well they seemed to be quite RESTLESS waiting for me to finish my chat about my SPECIAL ORDER drugs. They seemed to be quite ANNOYED that I was making them wait for what they wanted. They seemed to have no freakin' clue what it REALLY means to wait for what you want. Cuz this little WAIT they had while I explained to the pharmacist that I'm QUITE AWARE this will cost me a couple THOUSAND dollars, well it ain't NOTHING compared to the waiting I'VE been doing. And it ain't NOTHING compared to the NEXT wait I'll be doing.
Saturday, November 17, 2007
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18 comments:
Hear, hear!
I've had several bizzare run-in's with pharmacists related to fertility Rx.
Good luck, Chicklet.
J
I am sorry you are sad. I do hope that this does bring a little excitement your way and makes hte waiting a little less mindf*cking...
Oh Chick, I'm sorry you're blue. I understand.
But in good news, it sounds as if we may be cycling together. I took last BCP today. Will probably start stims this Sat. So I promise to keep you company during all the crappy waiting.
This feeling is all too familiar. For me, it helped when I was actually doing something, like stabbing the belly fat with needles instead of just waiting for the cycle to get going.
I am hoping for you.
I wonder if pharmacists ever talk about the women with these type of prescriptions - like how not to piss off one who spends thousands of dollars at their counter for something that may or may not have a happy outcome?
My sweet Chicklet... ya know, this all just sucks. I wish that there was something that I could do to make the suck-factor disappear. I wish that things could be natural and easy for you, and for all of us. I've felt the same way and pray that once things get going, you'll be too distracted with it all to be sad for long.
Too bad those thousands of dollars don't ensure the people standing all around you have empathy for the situation. I guess that shit is priceless. Good luck, Chicklet, I am thinking of you and sending positive vibes your way.
Sending you lots of hugs and hopes for a bright and happy ending to all of this waiting. You so deserve it.
Sounds like we're cycle buddies :-) And I understand. I'm sad too :-( Really, I understand.
Sorry you're sad, even though its completely understandable.
And yes, I think ALOT of people have no idea what patience or waiting really means
Good luck with everything this cycle
I bet those people in line actually got their children for free. Hmph! They have no idea!
Waiting sucks.
I'm sorry.
I'm all about mail-order pharmacies!
I wish you didn't have to go through this either--may it be for a good reason!
Sorry you are so sad right now. I hope after all of this waiting and sadness that you have all of the happiness that you have been waiting and waiting for!
And do I need to come up there and kick some ass at your pharmacy? I know you can hold your own but I got your back, Chicklet!
Aaah, this is why I go to the special pharmacy in our clinic that specializes in all the meds. I'm sorry, sweetie, that you're here. But I'm sending a lot of luck.
Totally hear you on the sadness and frustration part. It's bad enough to have to live through all of the costs -- emotional, physical and financial but to have to bear the stupid comments as though you haven't thought about it endlessly (!!!) are just too much to have to stomach. What a bonehead pharmacist!
I'm so sorry that all of the process stuff is causing you sadness. It is completely understandable why you are feeling that way. IVF is a lot of work, involving both body and mind.
You are STRONG lady, and you will get through this! I will be sending oodles of good vibes your way, in hopes that your sadness goes away that brighter days lie ahead.
Sorry to take over your blog on comments, but I wanted to just tell you that your comment on my blog was the best phrasing I've heard yet to highlight the absurdities of the whole process--"They can do a lot of shit, but they can't guarantee pregnancy. Which is kinda nutty to me considering they can brew a freakin' baby in a dish."
You are so on the money!
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