So yea, I've been feeling sorry for myself the last few days - all 'down and out', all 'woe is me', all 'why the hell do IIIIII have to go through all this shit'. Really, just teary for no real reason other than I'm an emotional sack of hormones who can APPARENTLY cry at the drop of a hat.
But honestly, on the SCALE of things, my life is pretty f*g good. Yea, I have to suck SHIT up my nose twice a day, and yea I'll have to JAB myself every evening for ~two weeks shortly, but meh, I can do this. Partly because I HAVE to do this so it's time to just f*g SUCK IT UP, and partly because I have amazing people around me - and I mean MORE than just my very funny husband.
First off, there's OliveGirl. Friday night us girls and the respective husbands all went for dinner, and somehow ended up having DRINKS instead - LOTS OF THEM. So many drinks that our bill was THREE QUARTERS booze and 1/4 food. So many drinks that when I got up Saturday morning, I had diluted my brain into thinking my life was HORRIBLE. So many drinks that I progressed DEEP into a lovely little pity party and actually WROTE about how 'woe is me' my life really seemed at that moment. When in reality, I'd had a blast Friday night and it was the most fun I'd had in a very VERY long time, and the reason I probably thought my life was so horrible? Well cuz my head was POUNDING and I had to combine that with eating hairspray! So REALLY, that was all OliveGirl-induced drama - so I 100% blame her (and 100% thank her).
Then there's The Bestest Friend, who out of the BLUE, called me Saturday, just to see how I was doing. She knows the dates are all coming up, she knows the time is counting down, she knows the stress is JUST about to begin. She also knows I'm probably supposed to f*g RELAX or something silly like that so she called to check in and make me laugh, to listen and understand, and to just be as good to me as she always is.
And then SHOCKINGLY, there's The Mother! Yesterday she sent an email saying she'd spent an hour on the Clinic's website LEARNING what I'm going through! And while that would've been enough to soften my extremely hardened exterior, she took it to a whole 'nother level by saying she's SORRY SHE DISAPPOINTED ME!!! HUH? WHAT? WHO THE F* IS THIS WOMAN? Cuz uh, MY mother, well she often has a hard time seeing past how something affects HER, and THAT STATEMENT, uh, that was about ME!
To top things off though, I have The Sister, who for ME is the definition of what a Good Fertile SHOULD be. We don't know yet if she's ACTUALLY fertile or not, but cuz she hasn't tried yet, and cuz I AM who I AM, well I assume the bitch IS fertile and could beat me to it if she wanted to. But going back to my point... well, it's that she tries very VERY hard to educate herself on what I'm doing here. She tries very VERY hard to ask me the RIGHT questions. And I'm pretty sure she tried very very VERY hard to get The Mother to understand that for ONCE, this situation is NOT about her. While The Mother DID spend the time on the Clinic's site, I'm pretty sure it's The Sister who gets the credit.
Monday, November 19, 2007
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17 comments:
i am so sorry you are feeling hte down and outs. but your sister sounds so lovely. I give her major props!
Way to go sis! Any bit helps, right?
Sorry for the down-and-out feelings...hope the GOOD ones outweigh the sad ones soon!
Talk about bein' emotional, I cried when I read about your mother...I'm such a girl sometimes:P What a wonderful sister too.
I hope the sadness settles and happiness comes to take it's place soon.
It's so hard to be in the emotional trenches of all this shit. It sounds like you have fantastic support, and even support accompanied by alcoholic beverages, which, let's face it, can be the best type of support you receive at times. :P
HUGS!
I know that it's hard sometimes to see the blessings in our lives when you're dealing with such crappy circumstances. But IF doesn't define you. You're such a strong, bright, funny as all hell, resilient woman. Those are the things that define you. IF can sure as hell fuck things up, but I know that you'll never let it change those things about you. It's okay to be pissed and it's okay to be sad, just don't change - because I love you just the way you are. Whether you're sad, happy, angry, depressed, or jumping up and down, we'll still all be here for you. And hey, if alcohol makes you feel better, then by all means, have a few for me! Maybe I should give up chocolate and hit the bottle...
Your mother sounds somewhat like mine.
I'm glad you're feeling better today than Saturday. And your sister rocks!
Three Cheers for Alcohol! I STRONGLY support the idea of a bender from time to time, if for nothing else than to take your mind of the whole damn mess. And really, who can be depressed while doing the locomotion, or belting out "I Love Rock & Roll" in a way that only drunk chicks can? Three Cheers for Olive Girl, for getting your crazy butt out there!
Another similarity... our Moms. Mine is trying, too, but that doesn't stop me from having to fight the urge to tell her to shut the f*&! up from time to time.
And Eighteen Cheers for your sister and The Bestest Friend! Such wonderful support you have in them!
I'm glad your mother is coming around, at least a little. Support from friends and family makes everything so much easier.
Many little cups of sake = one massive hangover.
And ya, for the record, I watched every sappy movie on the W network Saturday, which included Bridget Jones' Diary - which of course is loose rip off of the best novel ever written P and P. I'm embarrassed to admit I lay prostrate on the sofa until 4:00 pm.
I'm here to tell you to keep yer chin up girl. I'm quite certain I've warded off all the bad luck for both of us.
And we better squeeze in one last drinking binge before D-Day. But no sake next time.
Oh God I just had a flashback to the "whose life sucked most" part of the evening. OK it was funny at the time.
I am very glad to hear that you have support.
It makes it all so much more bearable,
xx
J
I have tried not to post often here so that chicklet doesn't feel inhibited cuz I lurk...but she gave me the link. I will take some credit for the mother coming around, but let's face it, if the old bat wanted to remain self-absorbed, she would have. I just gave her a push. Sometimes people need to have the info given to them by someone other than the IF in a way that is (perhaps some would say forceful) persuasive. This weekend, I told her to wake up & that if her daughter had any other issue that required medical intervention, she would become involved & educated. This, apparently, is something that she hadn't thought of...duh. Now that I have given her some tools for her 'science' education, I am going to give her some 'feelings' info that I have 'just come across' (supplied by chicklet) to help her better understand the emotional side of this... Let's face it, we all cope differently & people are clueless unless you clue them in. I know more people than I should that have dealt with IF & I am the 1st to admit that for my 1st dear friend that went through it, I was in the clueless group. I remember crying when she called to tell me there were 2!, but do I recall being a strong & supportive friend? - nope. Cuz I wasn't. So, as much as it's not your job to educate the clueless, they can change. If you have someone close to you that can help, have them be the educator for you - we all want to help however we can.
chicklet's sister
ps - I think this blog has made me cry more than all the times that chicklet made me cry cuz she was mean to me growing up...
Glad things are looking a little bit better for you. You do have some awesome IRL's! (Good job, Sis!)
But you know, we all love you no matter what the mood. And I love reading anything you write, so know that we accept you, good, bad, ugly, beautiful!
Sorry that you've been feeling down, but I think all of us gets like this sometimes if not a lot of the time. I'm just coming off of a rather mopey weekend myself. It's tough but I'm trying to remember that IF is not me and I have a lot going for me. I've only read a little of your blog, but it sure sounds like you've got a lot going for you also.
Well, that's all just dandy! (i love the word 'dandy'). I'm SO glad you were able to take the time and see the good that is around you. It's a very hard thing to be able to do. In fact, some people can't do it. And while it IS appropriate to be allow yourself to wallow in your own self pity (that's why they call it a party! cause it can be good for you!) it's good that you can still see the other goings-on around you, outside of that party.
Ugh on the hangover. I was SUPER sick sun/mon and felt hungover myself, except I only had 2 1/2 PBRs sat night (why on earth derby girls have to drink pbr is beyond me. I'm a guinness girl.)
Here I am, making a giant fucking comment again. Like always. But it looks like others have posted just as long, so I won't be the weirdo this time.
Chicklet - I'm so excited for your upcoming cycle. SO excited. It's got such potential. POTENTIAL. But that's all I'll say. No big hope upliftment. I personally think miss hope is a bitch, so I won't force her upon anyone else either. But is Miss Potential and Miss Hope different?
:) :) :)
(my word verification had the f-word in it. heh.)
I'm sorry you're feeling it right now. It is hard.
And as for the mother..... well it's a start, huh?
I started stims yesterday so looks like we're cycle buddies.
Hoping you're feeling a little better by now x
As my wise uncle says, "life is a feeling experience" ... so some days we feel one way and other days something completely different. Glad you've got good support ... and of course your peeps here in the 'sphere. Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours!
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