This morning, I was greeted with NOT ONE, but TWO emails, subject line "baby".
They had all the lovely descriptors that are so often used - words like beautiful, amazing, exciting, and all that crap. But while I'm actually happy for these people in some DEEP DOWN place that I'm not trying very hard to find right now, what I really wish someone would write, just for fun, is something like this:
My wife gave birth to a really wonky-looking boy on Sunday September 2nd. Mom and baby are doing well. Me, not so much. He's wonky-looking and I'm kinda freaked out by the whole thing. If you don't see me for awhile, I've, uh, gone to the grocery store... yea, that's right... groceries...
Or what about this:
Sunday morning my wife's and my lives were forever changed when she shat in the delivery room in front of me. Oh yea, and we had a kid. But seriously dudes, she shat! On the table!
Or finally, this:
Sandra and Sammy Smith are proud to announce the birth of their 8lb 4oz baby girl, Susan Sarah Smith. Looking at that kid and that ho my son calls his wife, we ain't sure the kid is even his, but fuck it, they seem to be all proud and shit.
Tuesday, 4 September, 2007
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24 comments:
Love it! I would giggle for a week if something like that showed up in my mailbox! I swear, I can always count on you to crack me up!
Too funny!
I. Love. This. Post.
LOVE IT!!! That shit is what most people think, yet don't say!! :)
You've got me cracking up over here!!
"that ho he calls his wife" hee hee hee
We actually got a really clever baby announcement email one time where the parents pretended to be some sort of sports team who was sending out a press release to announce that they had just recruited their newest member. It was really very clever. They said lots of funny things like 'media and other interested parties can reach them through their team manager Mr. Crack Berry'. More people should be creative in announcing their baby's arrival.
i totally may steal this idea from you
LMAO - that would make my week to see something like that come across my Gmail!
I've definitely rewritten those announcements in my head, but no where near as funny as yours!
Hahah...thats great! Thanks for the laugh this morning-I needed it! Sorry for the 2 announcements back to back...
I almost shat in my pants reading this :-) It was so funny.
I think you should be a greeting card writer in your spare time.
Still laughing :-)
Hee - these are awesome. If only!
Sorry you had to get TWO announcements today. As if one's not bad enough. Yuck.
LMAO!!! Thank you for that. I just finished sobbing and I really needed a good laugh! :)
LOVED IT. Had to read it twice to make sure I didn't miss a laugh!
Those little announcements have a way of sneaking up on us and it just really sucks.
Maybe you could write for the Maury Show???? I think your announcements would definitely get a workout there.
:)
That was hilarious!!!
bhahahaha!
You Rock. That Is All.
That's awesome.
Love it!
"Shat", awesome. Thanks for the laugh!
Well that's what we think deep down isn't it?
They're all wrinkly funny looking cone heads that only their parents could love when they're first born!
I love it! Wouldn't that be a breath of fresh air? I'm thinking mine would start something like "Holy shit we finally had a baby!" Thanks for the chuckle!
Hahaha! Brilliant. I agree. And most of the time the babies are WONKY LOOKING!!! Good. I honestly love it when babies are hideous.
As the eventual sole provider of grandchildren/great-grandchildren for my husband's family (NO PRESSURE!!) we found an announcement saying :
Outside:"We had a baby!"
Inside: "So get off our backs already!"
That pretty much hits the nail on the head. Don't know if we'll have the guts to send it out, but damn it makes me giggle!
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