An Excited Bitch (instead of an angry one)

My best friend is the bestest friend in the whole world cuz she gives me perspective. Yea, the husband tries, but he's the husband and I'm the wife, and well, listening to him ALL THE TIME would be like admitting he's actually right once in awhile. And like THAT'S ever gonna happen.

But she's the bestest friend cuz she can kick me in the ass without even trying. She can give me the swift kick the husband's been trying to for months. She can say the EXACT SAME thing he's been saying over and over, but for the reasons above, I listen to her and ignore him. Trust me, it's much more fun this way. It's like pantsing him while he's doing dishes - it's all about MY entertainment, most often at his expense.

But the point is that she's good. She's very very good. And the reason she's so good is that she can say something that would piss me off coming from anyone else, but from her it just makes me think - huh! For example... Saturday night she asked me how long until my IVF, and I said, 'meh, couple months, probably September at the latest depending what the new doc says'. And she replies, 'holy crap, that's so soon!'. And it kicks me in the ass that it actually IS so soon. That's three months - July, August, September. THREE, count em, THREE MONTHS!

And while I'm quite aware it might not work, and I'm quite cautious about keeping my hope in check after seeing the wonders it did for me this month NOT to have any hope, I can say that for the first time in months, I am genuinely excited. I'm excited to start something new, to give something different a go, to throw a bunch more strangers a glance or a poke into my cha-cha and see what the hell it is they can do!

..."How many people in chicklet's cha-cha does it take to make a baby?". Now I just need to think of a punchline to go with that question...

But I'm also excited to have somewhere else to focus. This weekend I got my exercise back, and yea it's only a weekend, and I've been down this road a few times in my infertility journey, but I really feel like these last two days have reminded me how good it is to run. How much a part of my sanity it is. How amazing I feel after. And how I can eat things without worrying about every single stupid calorie cuz I just burned however many hundred! This weekend's gym experiences have been unlike most in the last two years - they've been really really rewarding. I really pushed myself and I felt like I was a bundle of energy the rest of the day, so the whole 'reward' part of exercise felt like it was back - that's been missing for awhile.

But I guess what I'm really feeling is that there's somewhere new to focus. Like there's a light at the end of the tunnel. And maybe if I can distract myself with being a bit of the old me, the one who's a little obsessive with running, enough to make sure she looks super hot at the beach all summer long, then this three months will pass pretty quickly. And I'll go into the IVF with a better attitude than I've had in many many looooooooooooooooonggggggggg months.

So we'll see. Next week AF comes and just starting a cycle again may be enough to kick me right back down, but today, I'm actually a little hopeful the old me can win out for awhile. And it's a good kind of hope, cuz it's the kind I have a little control over fulfilling. Woohoo for me!