The Bestest Friend

Last week was a shitty one. One of those ones where nothing matters, where no matter how hard I tried I just could not shake the hopelessness of all of this. One where I had to just hang out alone, or with the husband, because what I needed most was just time to ride it out.

And then I got a call from my bestest friend in the whole world. The girl who's not just my best friend, but the bestest friend EVER, and the only one for me who holds that special designation. And she doesn't hold it just because we've grown up together since we were babies, or because her mother can tell horrible stories of me peeing on their stereo at 3 years old, or because she co-founded the Saturday Fun Club with me when we were 12, or even because she was right there with me growing out every bad haircut my mother gave me with an equally bad haircut her mother gave her, but because she's earned it, and because she continues to earn it even after 31 years of friendship.

She's the type of friend who not only calls when she has stuff to share, but when she wants to check in on how I am too. The type of friend who gives as much as she takes. And I believe that in the entire history of our friendship it has always been that way. I don't think there's EVER been a moment where I've felt like it was one-sided, or that I was doing all the giving or even most of the giving. And where this rings truest is in my infertility battle vs hers.

The thing is that she's been through it too. She started before me, and went through it longer than I have to date, and yet, she's always good to me when I'm hormonal and whiny and snivelly. And while I'm not sure I should admit it, there's a part of me that's thankful she went through it. And not because I'm horrible enough to wish this on anyone, let alone my bestest friend in the whole world, but because out of anyone I'd want to talk about this with, it's her. And because she went through it, I'm lucky enough to not just have my bestest friend in the whole world there for me, but to have her understanding too.

But going to the call, it was one of those ones where she simply asked how I was doing and I broke into a mess of tears - the pathetic "I don't even know why I'm crying but here I go crying again" tears. And instead of telling me "it'll get better" or "this all happens for a reason", or any of those other bullshit things I hear from other friends, she told me a story of a ridiculously insensitive fertile friend that showed me what I needed to see most - that she's still here with me. That even after kids through IVF, she still gets angry at fertiles too. That yes, they are still the unfortunate enemy, but they're not just my enemy. And there ain't nothing in friendship like hating the same bitches.